that is
A Short Tale of a
Refusal, a Clever Ploy, an Explanation, Conditions, a Phone Call, Conditions
Met, a Question and a Promise, a Lullaby, and a Realization
.
.
"Our
command is but this: to mollify the pro-human faction of the Bethmooran nobles,
the two of you will be married a year and a day from the winter solstice."
Several
drastically different emotions flashed through Nuada too quickly for him to
truly register or display. Shock, that his father would ever actually command
such a thing, and command it of them right now. Elation. Absolute
elation, because Dylan had said she would marry him if Balor commanded it,
which meant she would agree to marry him, and he could at last make his
truelove and his lady into his wife. Then dismay and remorse flooded him as he
caught a glimpse of Dylan's face.
He'd
expected anger. Fury, even. Irritation, at the very least. Dylan did not like
his father on a good day (loathing would be a more apt description of her
feelings for King Balor; odd, as Dylan only hated a very few men, and the
others who'd incurred her disfavor were vile monsters without heart or soul).
Yet when Nuada glanced at her, there was no ire in her expression. No annoyance
or even incredulity.
There
was only a dull sort of acceptance. A melancholy. As if she'd expected such a
devious ploy for a very long while and it had finally come when she had decided
to simply accept it, instead of fighting against the inevitable. It was almost
a look of defeat. There was no joy in her expression at all. None.
Didn't
she want to marry him? Didn't she want to be his wife? She'd said she
did. Said she wanted to be with him. So why did she look so very sad?
For the
first time, he pondered the difference between his loyalty to the king of
Bethmoora and her loyalty to her divine Master.
Nuada
served his king and his country faithfully and well out of duty.
Responsibility. He had been born to privilege and with that privilege came
certain obligations. And he loved his father. Loved his people. Loved Bethmoora
- every forest, every river, every mountain and meadow, every village and town
and city. He had been all over his kingdom in his forty centuries and loved it
all. Even when serving brought its own crushing weight of grief and pain.
Why did
Dylan serve her King? Out of obligation? She had not been born into privilege
as Nuada had. What influences forced her to obey the High King's edicts? Fear
of retribution? Fear of damnation to the fiery Christian Hell? That did not
seem likely. An emotionally battered and physically brutalized woman-child of
fifteen years would not have latched onto a faith system of that kind. So what
was it that compelled her to serve the Star Kindler so devoutly? He didn't
know, but he did know that whatever it was would explain the sorrow on that
exhausted, scarred face.
"What
say you, Prince Nuada? Lady Dylan?"
Before
Nuada could speak, Dylan opened her mouth. If she hadn't sounded so tired, the
words would have been something akin to a snarl. "What do you think I have
to say about this, Your Majesty? The same thing I've been saying. What
part of 'goes against my religion' did you forget? I thought the fae had long
memories."
Balor's
thin brows rose. "And what part of 'I will do anything if you have mercy
on Nuada' did you forget, little mortal? I know humans have short
memories, but surely they are not that short."
"You're
mocking me, aren't you?" She asked wearily.
"You
make it so easy," the king replied. "So, what say you?"
Dylan
sighed. "I say that this whole situation sucks, Your Majesty. But I'm
pretty sure you knew that. I also have to ask... how much of this little war
counsel was actually genuine?" She noticed both men give a start.
"Did you actually believe Nuada and me about the spells? Or were you just
pretending to make us think you were on our side?
"What
took so long for the guard to reach you tonight, by the way? Uaithne told me
that the guard left after I'd been screaming for about a minute, yet no one
came to help me. What if Nuada had raped me? Did you actually plan to stop him,
or were you going to let him hang himself, and to Hell with the annoying human
slut? Were you just going to write me off as collateral damage? Did you
actually take the spells off him, or just suppress them? How do we know you
weren't the fae monarch who laid them on him in the first place?"
Nuada's
hand came down on her knee. He squeezed lightly - a silent warning. He'd have
thought she was angry... but he didn't taste anger from her on a psychic level.
He only tasted exhaustion so brutal it dragged at him.
"Do
not test me, girl," the king said without inflection. "You have used
up my patience already. Keep pushing, and you know what will happen. Don't
you?"
"Just
answer one question. Was this whole thing a trap to force us into this?"
"Dylan,"
Nuada hissed. "Enough." When Balor shifted, the prince added,
"Forgive her, Majesty. She is exhausted and distraught by tonight's
tribulations. I should take her back to her room so she may rest."
The
king flicked his eyes to his son before focusing on the human girl once more.
"What did he tell you that makes you despise me and fear me so, little
mortal? What lies has he been spilling into your ears?" Beside Dylan,
Nuada stiffened. "What sweetly-poisoned half-truths has he been feeding
you?"
She
leaned back and arched one eyebrow. "He told me you were a wise king who
did his best to take care of his kingdom and do right by his people. It's not
what the prince told me that makes it obvious to me you're an enemy, Sire. I
figured that out the moment I first set foot in your Great Hall. I realized you
were dangerous when I walked in and saw my prince, your son, chained by
iron shackles to cursed iron whipping posts, blood sheeting down his back and
pooling on the floor at his feet, half-dead from shock and pain, and you
weren't even looking at him. It's not what he's told me - it's what I've seen
you do."
"Then
you know that you play a very dangerous game, Lady Dylan. Push me too far, and
you will see what more I can do when given the right incentive. I know your
weaknesses, my lady. Remember that. Now, what say you to my command? Will you
obey, or break faith with the Daione Maithe?"
Dylan
closed her eyes. Drew a deep breath. "I have sworn that I will obey this
command, so it must be so. I will marry Crown Prince Nuada of Bethmoora at the
behest of his father the king. Under protest."
The
king scoffed. "Protest noted and dismissed. What say you, Nuada?"
"I
refuse."
Nuada
didn't know where the words came from. He only knew that while Dylan looked at
his father as if Balor were the poisoned draught she was being forced to drain
down to the dregs, he could not obey his father's command.
Balor's
eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline. Dylan's mouth dropped open in something
that might have been horror. "Nuada," his truelove began, voice
hoarse, "Nuada, what are you doing?"
"That
is a very good question," the king said. "If you mean to make a joke,
Crown Prince, I do not find it at all amusing."
"I
am quite serious, my king."
A trill
of fear iced Dylan's heart as Balor's eyes flashed hot copper. She grabbed
Nuada's hand and held out her free hand to the king. "Please, Your
Majesty, um... just wait. Um. I... let me convince him. Please. Just... just
give us a day or two to talk it over. I can make him see reason. Honestly.
Please?"
"Dylan,"
Nuada began, "I will not-"
She
jabbed him in the ribs with a bruised elbow. Winced. "Shut up! Before he
orders us to do something worse! Like become lovers or something." Then,
realizing what she'd said, realizing she'd just let slip something the king
could use against them, she added in a whisper before Balor could say anything,
"Or worse, sleep in the same bed together. He's mean enough to do that
just for spite."
"I
can hear you, Lady Dylan," Balor said. Dylan made a face and dropped her
gaze to the floor as if embarrassed. "Let me see if I understand you.
Sleeping in the same bed with my son is worse than becoming his lover against
the command of your divine King? Why is that?"
The
mortal swallowed. "Well... I have heard that... that Prince Nuada is an
accomplished lover. So there's that. A bonus, as it were." Nuada barely
managed to refrain from choking on his tongue. "However," oh,
please, let this work, please don't let him see through this, she thought,
"he's a sucky bed-sharer. He hogs the blankets. And the pillows. And I'm
not actually supposed to sleep in the same bed as someone of the opposite sex
except in an instance of medical emergency, also by order of my God. Which is
how I found out Nuada hogs the pillows and blankets - medical emergency, I was
suffering from hypothermia. And he drools, too."
"I
most certainly do not," the prince retorted, though he noticed the corner
of his father's mouth twitch. As soon as Dylan had started her tangent, he'd
known she was going somewhere with it, even if he didn't know where. So
he had followed, knowing she had a plan of some sort. Sometimes her plans
failed. Sometimes they worked when the odds said they shouldn't have. "You
snore. And you kick in your sleep. And you steal the blankets. Little
thief. A man would freeze his ba-"
"I
do not! You snore like a congested bear. And you're a total grouch in
the morning."
"And
you-"
"Children,"
Balor said in a firm voice, breaking up the mock-argument. Dylan suppressed a
flash of triumph. Balor had gone from a furious king to a mildly annoyed - and
somewhat amused - father. One was easier to deal with than the other.
"Enough. You have until Friday evening before the masquerade to make your
decision, Prince Nuada. Clearly the late hour and the trials of the day have
muddled your thoughts.
"And
just so you are made aware of what you will be missing if you reject my command
a second time, Crown Prince, you will take the Lady Dylan to your bed for the
next two nights." Both Elf prince and mortal woman stiffened.
"Whether you do more than sleep chastely beside her is your decision.
However, in this, I will be obeyed. Disobey, and I will command you to
take her as your leman. Consider it the consequence of defying," with a
look at Nuada, "and disrespecting," with a sharp look at Dylan,
"your king after I have shown you mercy. Any more disobedience, any more
defiance, and I will show no leniency with either of you. Understand?"
One
dark-shrouded topaz eye slanted a look at the mortal's pale, scarred face.
Dylan nodded almost imperceptibly to her prince. Her face was very pale. Nuada
inclined his head to the king. The prince's expression was icy. Dylan kept her
gaze trained on the floor.
"You
are both dismissed. I suggest you get to bed. Now begone."
.
Once in
the corridor, surrounded by the guards, the grim expressions worn by prince and
mortal dissolved. Nuada's anger was replaced by incredulity, Dylan's with exhausted
but smug satisfaction.
I
cannot believe that actually worked, the prince
said through their linked hands. That comment about lovers was an
unfortunate slip, but you recovered very quickly. I can scarcely believe he
actually thought you would prefer having me take you as my mistress to simply
sleeping in my bed.
Well,
you do have a reputation with women. And you
really do tend to hog the covers, Dylan replied, forcing down her
smirk. So it is kind of a hardship. But our incredibly silly and
pointless argument also momentarily distracted him from getting really mad at
you about refusing. Suddenly the urge to keep her satisfied smirk pasted on
her face faded. What the heck is wrong with you? What were you thinking? You
already said you'd do it. Do you need your head examined or something?
No. It
is a simple statement of fact. I refuse to be coerced.
If this
is a pride thing, I swear I will dent your head with the nearest blunt object.
Twice. And then I'll strangle you with my bare hands, bake you into a pie, and
feed you to Wink, whenever he gets back. Are you out of your Elven mind? You
don't refuse a direct order from King Balor; he's a sadist.
That is
stretching it a bit far, mo duinne, Nuada said as
they made it to the stairs. He is merely doing what he thinks is best.
Right.
Hence why he threatened to force you to have sex with me. That's totally what's
best. Luckily, bizarre mortal antics actually work sometimes on obnoxious Elven
kings. What does he think he's accomplishing, though, with a threat like that?
Is he bluffing?
No, Nuada replied. Not bluffing. Punishing. Kings are just like common
men in that way - when they get angry, they lash out. They simply must be more
circumspect about it. It cannot draw attention to the king's anger. But no one
would believe that my father would order me to take you to my bed as a
punishment. If anything, they would doubt his involvement at all. I earned my
reputation as a consummate lover; no woman has ever left me unsatisfied. The
court knows this. Royalty is expected to take lovers. Only my father would know
how distasteful I would find such a thing, and I would only find it so because
you do not wish such a thing to occur. If you had no objections, I would have
seduced you long ago.
She
gave him a wry look. Uh-huh. How long ago is "long ago," exactly?
A week? A month?
If I
had arrived at the cottage before Eamonn, and you hadn't been ill, and you
hadn't objected, I would have asked you to my bed either that night or a night
soon after. Rather, I would have asked if I might come to your bed.
Oh. Dylan looked positively stunned by the idea. I... didn't know
that. I, um... but we hadn't even kissed. You didn't know I was in love with
you. Why would you have... I mean... why?
Once
gone from your cottage after our argument, I found myself unable to rid myself
of thoughts of you. I did not know you loved me, but I knew after that first
night gone that I cared for you. And I knew, after only a week gone from your
presence, that I loved you. My pride would have tried to prevent me, and my
sense of duty to my people, but eventually I would have been grateful to accept
whatever scraps you might have thrown me, Dylan.
I could
not be your husband, for honor and my oaths and the cooler feelings of your own
heart prevented it - or so I thought. He shrugged.
If circumstances had been different, I would have attempted to be satisfied
with the honor and privilege of being your lover. And knowing what I knew of
your history, I would have taken it upon myself to make the first move, so that
you would be aware of my regard. I would not have simply demanded you allow me
to have my way with you. I would have employed romance. Attempted to woo you.
Tried to prove my sincerity.
Attempted?
There would've been no attempting. There would've been wooing, and falling for
said wooing like a ton of bricks, and then I'd be a puddle of happy mortal at
your feet. I had no idea, though. She smiled,
suddenly feeling inexplicably shy. I had no idea you felt... I didn't know
you'd felt like that. Why did you keep your feelings to yourself for so long?
Many
reasons, Nuada said as they approached the third floor
and the royal suites. Too numerous and complicated to get into at the
moment. A more pertinent question would be, whose bed are we sleeping in
tonight? And why did you agree to such a thing?
For one
thing, I don't think your dad would be too happy with my being smart twice in a
row. And two refusals, one from each of us? He'd kill us. Quite possibly
literally. Or at least hurt you. He was being nice up until I started ticking
him off again; I didn't want to risk it. And if I refused, he might have upped
the stakes. Instead of just sleeping, he might have ordered you to take me as
your lover, and then we'd be screwed. In a lot of ways. Although still... ugh.
I have to sleep in your bed. My bed. A bed.
With you. This is not good. This is... meh. I don't want to.
I am
sorry to be such an inconvenience, the prince
replied dryly.
Oh,
don't even start. You know why I don't want to sleep in the same bed with you. At Nuada's raised eyebrow, she gave him a look of pure incredulity. You
have got to be kidding. You mean you actually don't know? Because you're all
cuddly.
He
nearly tripped on the last stair. Because I am what?
Cuddly.
I remember from when I was hypothermic. You were all nice and warm and cuddly
under the blanket and I just... kinda... wanted to, um, sort of crawl on top of
you to get all nice and toasty. Which I kinda... did.
You
were quite... what was the word you used? Ah, "toasty." You were
quite toasty against my side, as well, mo duinne. He scowled at her when she giggled tiredly. Why is it you are
allowed to use certain words and I am not?
Because
you sound silly. I don't. Chalk it up to being mortal. At least you've got
adorable Elf ears. But in all seriousness, Dylan
added as they approached the doors to their suites, we're getting married
next Midwinter. I don't care what you say. It's one thing when nothing's at
stake, but your dad is going to seriously kick your butt if you refuse him
this. Especially because of the politics involved, with the anti-human group
and the pro-human group.
No,
Dylan. He held the door to her sitting room open so
that she could follow Uaithne and the others inside. I am not going to marry
you simply because my father has ordered me to do so. It is not fair to you.
Blue
eyes widened. What? Not fair to me? She followed him into her room. The
moment both prince and mortal were in the bedroom, the guards made themselves
scarce. She snagged his hand. "What? What are you talking about?"
The
crown prince met her gaze, and held it. "I will not force an unwilling
woman to my bed. I will not have an unwilling wife. It is grossly unjust that
you should sacrifice so much for me - your ideals, your dream of having a
family, your hope for marriage within the Star Kindler's temple, your hope for
a simple and peaceful life without danger or shadows. You will sacrifice all of
that without hesitation. Without a second thought. And why? For what
reason?"
"What
do you mean, why? Because I love you! Because I don't want anything to happen
to you! Because I don't want to lose you! Because if you refuse to obey your
father's orders, he. Will. Hurt. You. And this time, he may not stop before
you're dead.
"If
I hadn't shown up that night, Nuada," Dylan hastened to say when he opened
his mouth to argue, "you would have died. I'm a doctor. I know what I'm
talking about. I don't think you've actually accepted this, but you would have
died without intervention. You were in shock when I arrived in Findias. The
flesh had been flayed from your back. Your clothes and your hair were soaked
with your own blood. You were barely conscious. You'd received one-thousand
lashes and you were going to get one-thousand more. You were dying under
the lash and he didn't stop!
"Did
you forget? Did you forget that he was planning on punishing you for crimes you
hadn't committed and you would have died and he didn't care? He never
officially pardoned you. Did he even apologize in private? You almost died! Why
do you think I'm so scared of him? He almost killed you! And for what?
"So
you didn't defend yourself at that so-called trial. So what? He had no proof.
He only had Eamonn's word. He didn't even try to have Nuala read your mind. He
chained you with ensorcelled iron and whipped the flesh from your back. He may
love you, he may be your father, but he is our enemy and I wouldn't put it past
him to try and set you up to give him another excuse to kill you.
"If
you tick him off, he'll hurt you. I mean, he will seriously hurt you.
He's the king; if you push him too far, he'll have to, just to save
face. And Nuada, I am so, so afraid of how he'll do it. I am so scared
of what he might think up to do to you. He is ruthless and he is terrifying and
he is dangerous. You can't refuse him this. Please. Please, Nuada. Just say,
'Yes.' Please."
"My
father did not intend for me to die that night, Dylan."
"Maybe
not, but he didn't seem too broken up about the fact that you almost did. If
you take everything else off the table, get rid of all of our suspicions about
things we can't prove - the dullahan, the shandymen, the nocs, the attack on
Wink, the compulsion spells - get rid of all of that and we still are dealing
with a man who doesn't seem to care if you live or die.
"And
I asked a very good question, one he didn't answer: why did it take so
long for him to deal with what the guard told him about tonight? What if you had
raped me, Nuada? In some alternate universe where you're evil," she added
when a shadow passed over his face, "where you have one of those Evil Twin
goatees like Spock." At this, he gave her a bewildered look. "What if
your Evil Universe Self had actually raped me? If your father had moved his
butt and actually dealt with the situation, someone would have been in to deal
with whatever was happening between us, instead of nobody showing up at all.
"I
get that you're a prince, and the heir, but if your father is really that
concerned about what you may or may not do to me, wouldn't he have done
something besides tell the guards to wait for us to leave the garden? I mean,
cripes, what if you'd killed me? Not that you would, but he's such an idiot, he
doesn't seem to know that. What was he going to say? 'Oops, should've moved a
little bit faster. Sorry about that. Don't worry, Son, I'll just buy you a new
human.' I mean, why did he wait so long to investigate? What did he think was
going to happen? What was he waiting for?"
"I
don't know, Dylan," the prince confessed. "All right? I do not know.
What does that have to do with-"
"Your
father is ruthless, Nuada. If dishonoring you or killing you will help him
accomplish his goals, he'll do it. I know that for a fact. Moundshroud even
warned me of that. And for some reason your father wants us to marry. He says
it's to rob you of your anti-human supporters and appease the pro-human faction
of court. Maybe it is. I don't know, I don't care. It doesn't matter. What
matters is that he is willing to blackmail you into marrying me. And whatever
he's going to use as leverage is going to be pretty nasty. We can't afford to
get stupid right now. Says the woman who snarled at the king," she
admitted, "but that doesn't mean I'm wrong."
Nuada
sighed. Ran a hand through his hair. "Mo duinne... it is not fair to
you-"
"Life's
not fair!" Dylan cried. "But it doesn't matter. What matters is that
we'll be okay if you just say, 'Yes.' I'll be fine."
"You
are not fine," Nuada snapped. "You've been a step away from
hysterics all night! And frankly, it is becoming a...." He trailed off.
Sighed. "I am sorry, but-"
"No,
you're right." She sighed and leaned back against the wall. "You are
absolutely right. I've been messed up all night. Worse than I have been in a
long, long time. I'm sorry. I know it didn't help things." She raked a
hand through her hair and sighed. "I know, but... I'm better now."
"Are
you? I have never seen you so... so...."
"Weak?
Whiny? Pathetic?"
He
barely suppressed a wince. "I was going to say, 'emotional.'"
"Sure
you were." She sighed. "It's okay, though. You're right. I've been...
really emotional and weak and one might even say 'pathetic.'"
Eyes
blazing, Nuada snapped, "I will not call someone who has lived
through all that you have survived and made what you have of yourself
'pathetic.' Weak, perhaps. But as you say, we all have moments of weakness.
Emotional? Well enough. It does not matter. What matters is that you are not
fine, and I am tired of you claiming to be so when a blind fool could see you
are not."
Her
sigh was half a laugh. "I'm surprised you haven't dumped me or... jeez, I
don't know, slapped me by now."
"Do
you think I am the sort of man that would hit a woman? And what good would
striking you do?"
She
shrugged. "Isn't that what people do when someone supposedly gets
hysterical? Slap them straight? Wake them up? Snap them out of it?"
Something
about the way she said that made him hesitate. He frowned. "Supposedly
hysterical? What do you mean?" She didn't answer. Merely chewed her bottom
lip, heedless of any damage she might be doing. "Not hysterical," he
realized suddenly. "Terrified. You were absolutely terrified. But
why?"
There
was a difference. Hysterics were usually a last-ditch reaction. A final flood
of emotion before the mind shut down completely. While it had a cause, the
cause and the reaction were often disproportionate. But terror... true and
utter terror... the legitimate fear that someone's life was in immediate
danger, and there was no help coming and no way out of the situation....
"You
are not fine," Nuada murmured. "You are far from fine. How fragile
are you?"
Exhausted
blue eyes met his, and what he saw in their depths both reassured him... and
chilled him.
.
"Well,
you saw her," Crown Princess Kamaria of the Elven kingdom of Nyame said to
her older and younger brothers. "Silverlance's human lady."
Farai,
eldest prince of Nyame, made a revolted sound. "Sister, how can you call
that... that creature a lady?"
The
crown princess shrugged one lean shoulder. Twining one of her countless
midnight braids around her index finger, she perched on the arm of her younger
twin brother's chair and said, "Clearly he is besotted with her. You saw
how they were tonight. And she's lovely. Did you see her face? No missing
features, but she is still a fair rival for my own markings." Kamaria
touched her braid-wrapped finger to the fleshy mound of scar tissue where her
right eye had once been.
"My
sister, no one is a rival for your beauty," Kamaria's twin, Kagiso,
insisted without looking away from the fire on the hearth. "Scarred the
mortal may be, but that is her only appeal, I should think. And for such a
thing to intrigue the Silver Lance? I don't believe that's what got him.
Perhaps the rumors are true and she is a witch."
Kamaria
raised an eyebrow and poked her brother in the side of the head, as she'd done
since they were children whenever she considered him to be behaving in a
particularly dense manner. "And what spell laid by a human could ensnare a
faerie royal? There is no such spell. There is no such human who could enchant
one of royal blood. No, if it's not the scars, it is something else."
"But
what?" Farai demanded. He glanced at his younger sister. Kamaria didn't
seem particularly distressed by the revolting display Silverlance had put on at
the banquet tonight. Then again, Kamaria was crown princess. Heir to their
mother's throne. No princess lived as long as his little sister without
developing the ability to hide any and all emotions. Perhaps she was just as
sickened by what she'd seen in Nuada's eyes as Farai was. Perhaps she was
simply trying to ferret out the reasons for Nuada's sudden betrayal of
everything they had stood for these last two-thousand-odd years.
"It
doesn't matter. Let him dally with the human if he wishes," Kamaria said
suddenly. "No doubt he's simply trying to learn something of use to the fae
cause. Or he is a man after all," the princess added with a smirk.
"Mayhap he is just as intrigued by her beauty as he once was with mine.
Let Silverlance dally if he chooses. We have no proof he has turned against
us."
Farai
sputtered, "No proof? He is swiving with that... thing. A member of the
race we swore to exterminate to save our peoples and our kingdoms. Not only
that, but he is in love with it! Intrigued by her so-called beauty, he
may be, just as was with yours - but he never consorted with you, did he?"
"Our
sister and Nuada Silverlance are both heirs to thrones, Elder Brother,"
Kagiso murmured. "They did not dare have that sort of relationship, even
if they'd been madly in love, as opposed to the mutual attraction they both
felt. Our Honorable Mother did not mind a little casual flirting, but for
Silverlance to take our sister as his lover? It would have caused an
international incident, if nothing else."
Kamaria
glanced at her twin before settling her one-eyed gaze on her elder brother once
more. Unlike Farai - hot-tempered, hot-blooded, battle-minded Farai, whom their
mother despaired of, since he had no inclination to join the Anansi, which was
his destined role as the eldest prince who was not the Prince Royal -
Kagiso was nearly always soft-spoken and even-tempered. He rarely raised his
voice; he certainly never raised it to his twin sister and superior in rank, as
Farai did. He was slow to act, but very clever. Once they got Farai out of the
room, she would speak with her twin about what they'd seen tonight.
"Be
that as it may, what more proof do you need of Nuada's treachery, Kamaria? Are
you enamored of him still, that you refuse to stand for our people when-"
A single, knife-edged glance from the crown princess silenced her elder
brother's tirade immediately. Farai closed his mouth and bowed his head.
"How
dare you? Never accuse me of having forgotten our people, Prince Farai,"
the crown princess hissed. The firelight made her onyx eye gleam. "Nuada
Silverlance is my friend, and yours! If he has betrayed us, betrayed our cause,
betrayed the Bakhna Rakhna... well then, on his own head be it. If such perfidy
is in his heart, he will pay the full price for his trespasses. But he deserves
better from us - from all of us - than to be dismissed so easily. Many
of our own kin have done just such a thing to us. Will we turn on our fellows
and do the same?"
"But
Kamaria-"
"I
am not finished, Brother!" The princess roared, surging to her feet.
Farai was tall enough to tower over her, and was twice as broad as she was, but
he could feel her power - the power of the heir - crackling through the room
like the charge before a lightning storm in the savannah. "How then are we
better than the kings and queens who turned against their children, against
their people, if we turn against our own? We swore friendship and alliance with
Silverlance! When there is proof of his misdeeds, actual proof, then will I
listen to your accusations against him. Let him play with his human. Let him
love her if he is foolish enough to trust in the feelings of a mortal heart.
One human does not necessarily change his allegiances. Now get out of my
presence."
Farai's
gold-flecked black eyes burned with humiliation as he lowered his head further
and whispered, "As you wish, Your Highness." He stalked out without a
backward glance. He did not slam the door behind him, but Kamaria flinched when
the door closed anyway.
"Do
you think he'll write to Obi about this?" Kagiso asked, referring to one
of their other brothers.
"I
do not know and right at this moment, I do not care," she replied. With a
sigh, she sank down onto the tawny leather sofa her brother had just vacated.
"I truly hope Nuada has not forgotten the plight of the Bakhna Rakhna,
Kagiso. I hope so, with all my heart. Because if he has betrayed the Good
People...."
"If
he has, it will mean he has betrayed us all. It will mean that Bethmoora will
not stand with us in the final war, and may in fact stand against us. But does
it mean we will have to kill our friend, Kamaria? Does it have to mean
that?"
She
dropped her face into her hands. "I don't know that, either, Kagiso. I
pray not, but I simply do not know."
.
Farai
knew exactly where he was going, though he had only been to Findias a few times
before this. Rather, he knew who he was going to. Knew, because he was
following a sound, and he knew exactly to whom it would lead.
It was
true what his mother often said of him - he was brash, hot-headed. A soldier
and a savage fighter, but not a warrior. He had no head for strategy and
tactics. He certainly did not envy his younger sister her role as heir to the
throne. But he had one very valuable talent. A talent he had honed over the
centuries into an often-times lethal skill. One his mother was very, very proud
of.
He
could sense poison, and poisonous magic. It was little wonder, of course. His
mother had not been the eldest princess, but the second eldest. She'd been
destined for the role that the eldest child not intended for the throne was
always given - leader of the Anansi. When her older twin sister, the
then-current Cha Nanzi Nega, had been killed, his mother had become the
new Cha Nanzi Nega. Her ascent to the throne brought to the royal line
an affinity for poisons and venoms that was normally found only in those who
joined the Royal Guard. All of the Cha Nanzi Nega's children had some
ability of that sort, but Farai's was the most unusual. He could actually hear
poisonous magic when it was in use. And he heard it now, and recognized the
flavor of it.
The
Nyame prince found the Fomorian lord Cíaran macAengus in a secluded little
curtained alcove. Crown Prince Bres, a friend of Farai's, had long ago
explained that Cíaran had a bit of gancanaugh blood in him from several
generations ago, and that he was a throwback to whatever Love Talker ancestor
he might have had. Farai could see evidence of that now. Hear it, in the dull
throbbing pulse of Cíaran's gancanaugh power - a pulse like a dying heartbeat.
Cíaran
was just releasing a slender hob maid - one of the palace maids, by the look of
her half-undone dress - when Farai rapped a sardonic knock against the edge of
the alcove's entryway. The maid gasped and ducked her head. In the flickering
torchlight, Farai saw a bruise on her cheek. He swallowed his disgust.
Gancanaugh blood brought out a lot of twisted traits in a fae, but if the girl
didn't complain about the way Cíaran handled her, who was the Nyame prince to
judge?
"I
am a little busy, Prince Farai," Cíaran muttered, grabbing the maid again
and pinning her to a velvet-covered bench before she could slither away.
He'd
already had her thrice. Wanted her again. There was something so enchanting
about all of that long, curly brown hair. So unusual in a hob. After he'd
touched her bare skin with his venom-slicked hands, she'd responded readily enough
to his advances. The first time had left something to be desired, though he
been unable to put his finger on it until, on a whim, he'd ordered her to
glamor her sloe-black eyes a different color. Clever little thing had chosen
blue. The results had been... interesting.
"Does
Prince Bres know you are out here raping chambermaids instead of doing
something productive for our cause?"
Cíaran
bit back a wolfish smile. "It's hardly rape when the trull is
willing." He caressed the hob girl's cheek with a poisonous touch. She
shuddered against him. Cíaran nuzzled her cheek. Licked the corner of her
mouth. The girl gasped. Her eyes began to glaze. "Isn't that right,
poppet? Give us a kiss."
"My
lord...." She whispered before his mouth came down on hers, his lips cold
and damp with faerie poison.
Farai
bit back a growl. "If you could possibly pull your tongue out of your new
toy's mouth long enough to tell me where Bres is?"
"In
his room," Cíaran mumbled. One hand went to the hob's skirts. "With
King Anterion and two guests. Someone else who wonders if Silverlance has
betrayed us and all we stand for. You're welcome to join them. I am otherwise
engaged at present." He shoved her skirts up, baring her thighs. "Now
go away."
Rolling
his eyes, the Nyame Elf strode away, letting the curtain fall back into place
behind him. As a courtesy to Cíaran, he added another layer of sensory glamor
over top the one the Fomorian lord had already put into place, ensuring that no
one except a royal heir or a monarch would be able to hear Cíaran's growls of
pleasure or the chambermaid's soft cries.
Farai
found the crown prince of the Fomori in his suite as promised, along with the
king of Mytikas and two tall, golden-eyed fae. One was considerably taller than
the other; the dark-eyed prince recognized him from the banquet earlier that
night. The shorter fae was in no way familiar. Slender, amber-eyed like all
Bethmooran Elves, he wore a simple dark green tunic and trews with plain black
boots. His long, silvery blond hair was tied back in a loose horsetail.
"Ah,
Farai. Good of you to come. Cíaran busy enjoying himself? Good. He needed a
respite from all the politicking. Where are Kamaria and Kagiso?"
"They
remain in their chambers," the prince replied to Bres. "Kamaria is
tired. Kagiso stays by her side, as always." Bres was a friend, and a
trusted ally, but instinct told the Nyame prince not to inform the Fomori that
his sister and brother seemed uncertain as to their course regarding what Nuada
may or may not have done. "Who are these men?"
"Two
very useful potential allies," Bres replied with a grin. "Our large
friend is here at the behest of his mistress's family. And this fine Bethmooran
is merely a concerned citizen who works in the palace. I think they'll be very
useful to our plans, indeed."
.
"You
are not fine," Nuada murmured. "You are far from fine. How
fragile are you?"
Exhausted
blue eyes met his, and what he saw in their depths both reassured him... and
chilled him. Dylan shook her head as if were a great and terrible burden on her
shoulders. "Actually, I'm okay right now. I really am. Mostly."
The Elf
prince scoffed. "I sincerely doubt that. Nearly all night it seemed you
were on the verge of... of-"
"A
mental breakdown?" Dylan supplied. After a moment, Nuada nodded. It was as
good a phrase as any. "I wasn't on the verge of a mental breakdown,
Nuada."
"Indeed?"
She
shot him a look. "No, I wasn't on the verge. I was having one. All
night. If not for you, I don't know what would have happened. The last time I
had flashbacks even close to that bad - I've never had them that bad
before - I ended up back in a psychiatric hospital for three months. As
an adult." Seeing his expression, she sighed. "My uncle Thaddeus
convinced me. I wasn't taking care of John like I needed to; that's the only
reason I agreed. Uncle Thad caught me during one of my rare lucid
moments."
He
chewed that over for a moment before asking, "Three months? What happened
to you during that time? What did they do to you?"
Dylan
closed her eyes. "Nothing. I was always waiting for it, though. I barely
slept the whole time. Barely ate. Remind me to show you a picture sometime; I
lost forty pounds. I looked pretty good, except that my hip bones stuck out and
you could count my ribs. When I got out, people wanted to know my dieting
secret."
Laughter,
Nuada reflected, suddenly chilled, shouldn't sound like broken glass scraping
against bone. "What did you do?"
"Spent
most of my days staring out the window or crying." She hesitated, as if
she might speak again, but then closed her mouth. Nuada frowned.
"There
is more to it than that."
"Yeah,
well, I'm not telling you about it right now," she muttered. "Unless
you want to see what happens to a mortal with PTSD who won't take her meds and
hasn't been to her weekly therapy in two months when you push her too
far." Dylan sighed. Raked her hands through her hair. "You really
want to know?"
He
inclined his head, though he wasn't certain anymore. There was a quiet and
poisonous bitterness underneath her words that was so unlike her. It almost
tasted of... self-loathing. He'd never heard her sound this way before.
She
sighed. "You know there's not a lot of muscle in your fingers,
right?" She wiggled all ten fingers at him, like a magician about to do a
magic trick. "Most of the muscle and tendons that control movement are
here." She flipped her hands around to show him the backs of her hands.
Wiggled her fingers again. Tendons flexed beneath the skin. She turned her
hands around again so the palms faced him. "Hands don't usually scar very
easily either once you reach adulthood," she added. "Especially if
you have calluses or whatnot. Especially if you worked with your hands as a
kid. Playing outside. Cleaning up the trash out in the woods and in creeks and
such. Building rock forts for local garden gnomes. That sort of thing. Which is
why," her voice turned almost wistful, "I would imagine I don't have
any scars left over from those three months."
Nuada
didn't like the odd quality to her voice. It wasn't the hollow terror of a
flashback, but it didn't sound quite like Dylan, either. "Where are you
going with this?"
"Did
you know that in a lot of mortal secondary schools, when they dissect
earthworms and dead frogs and all that, you're supposed to use a scalpel? But
they rarely do. Usually they give kids Exact-o knives or double-sided
razorblades, because they're sharper. All you have to do is just put a
razorblade in your palm and fold your hand around it. Just like this." One
by one, she folded down the four fingers of her left hand and curled her thumb
down, making a fist. "It doesn't even hurt at first."
He had
to swallow twice before speaking. "At first?"
Her
voice was dreamy when she held up her loose fist and whispered, "No. Not
at first. There's just this strange warmth. The first time, I didn't know what
it was. Then the blood welled up between my fingers and I realized, 'Oh. So
that's what that is.' And it scared me, that it didn't hurt. But if you tighten
your fist," and her fingers clenched until her knuckles turned white,
"then it hurts. It burns and you know that there's something
besides white walls and echoing corridors and the bars on the windows. More
than the voices in your head and the faces you see, no matter whether you're
sleeping or awake or trapped in between.
"That's
what I did all day while I was there, so that I could focus on something,
anything, besides memories. Besides how much I wanted a drink. Besides how much
I needed my next dose of Valium and whatever else my doctors had prescribed me.
I let the razor make me burn so I could know that there was a difference
between the past and the present. Human blood is so red, have you ever
noticed?" She closed her eyes. Loosened her fist. Waggled her fingers,
showing him her nail-marked palm. "And it never left any scars."
If he
went to her, tried to hold her, would she push him away? For some reason, Nuada
was fairly certain she would. Her face was strangely remote. He could not read
her expression. Scarcely recognized the emptiness in her dark blue gaze. All he
managed to say was, "You never told me."
"It's
not something I'm proud of," Dylan replied. "I didn't... didn't want
you to be ashamed of me."
"Ashamed?"
He echoed. "Of you? How could I be?" She just looked at him before
looking down to study her fingernails. "What is... Valium?"
She
swallowed. "It's a sedative. I took it once I got out of the institution
when I was eighteen for... tremors." She held up her hands again.
"Drugs like thorazine, anti-psychotic medication - the stuff they made me
take as a kid - sometimes has long-lasting effects. Hallucinations. Paranoia.
Lowered siezure threshold. Intense nightmares. Insomnia. And tardive
dyskinesia."
Seeing
his incomprehension, she added, "Basically, muscle tics and tremors. When
I'm freaked out, my hands shake. It used to be worse." Her smile was tired
and bitter when she added, "My sister Mary used to call me 'Ferret'
because I twitched a lot until my early twenties. Now it's just my hands. So I
took Valium and a few other things, for that and the nightmares." She met
his eyes. "Valium's addictive. So is Ambien, Lithium, Rohypnol, and Amytal
- the other poisons in my personal cocktail at the time."
"What
is PTSD?"
"Post-Traumatic
Stress Disorder," she replied softly. "They used to call it
'shell-shock' or 'mental exhaustion.' I guess those are sort of accurate."
"Battle-haunts,"
Nuada said. After a moment, Dylan nodded. "Dylan... what happened tonight?
I would like an explanation from your lips. What happened?"
There
was something eerily adolescent in her shrug of dismissal. "I had a mental
breakdown. It happens."
Nuada
said her name. Quietly, but firmly. Against her will, she found her gaze
dragged up to his impassive face, bathed by the cool winter moonlight through
the window. The embers in the hearth added just a touch of golden warmth to
him. "Dylan," he said again. "I. Want. An explanation."
She
knew, suddenly, that nothing would be okay between them if she didn't give him
one. And didn't he deserve it? Didn't he deserve to know what he was getting
into? She should've told him weeks ago, the mortal realized. But there'd never
been a good time. Not even when he'd been helping her deal with memories of
Patrick and Xander and Westenra. She'd been too shaky then to tackle everything
else. Well, she'd tackle it all now. Or at least, deal with whatever Nuada
wanted to know.
"Okay.
Okay. Um... I just... it used to be, when my memories got to be too much for
me, I would just shove everything down, where I wouldn't have to feel it. If I
couldn't just do it, then I would hurt myself, use the pain to help me.
But then all of that fear and anger and... and hatred would turn into this sort
of... soul-poison. And then it would happen again, something worse would come
or I'd flash back, and I'd have to shove it all down again, and the poison would
just get thicker and thicker. It would fester.
"You
lanced that wound when you walked through my memories that night. You didn't
get rid of the poison, but you made it so that I could without breaking.
I just... haven't had the time or known where to start. And tonight... I could
feel all of that darkness rising up to drown me. Like this black ocean. Every
time something would trigger a flashback, I'd go under. The first couple times
you were there to pull me out again. I'd get calm enough that I could stay in
the present if I focused hard enough, but I never actually had the time to
anchor myself before something else would happen, triggering another flashback,
and I'd be back beneath the waves, drowning in darkness. Then, when your
father... when your father was talking to me, I...."
"You
did not know where you were, did you?" Nuada asked. "Like in the
garden. You thought you were somewhere else, with someone else. You were
not simply remembering; you were reliving the experience." She bit her lip
and nodded. "Where did you think you were? And with who?"
She
swallowed. "I thought I was back in the institution. I mean, I knew
I wasn't, but there's knowing and then there's knowing. Like, I know you
would never hurt me. I know that, in my heart and soul. But you remember
when we were first together in the sanctuary? I didn't know it then. You told
me, and the Spirit told me, and I knew because you'd sworn on the Darkness, but
I didn't know it. I didn't believe it. Not at first.
"Just
like tonight. I knew I was safe in Findias, that you were right outside the
door. That if I needed you, you would come for me. That you were close by in
case I needed help. That nothing like that would ever happen while you were
there to protect me. But I didn't know that. I was suddenly just... just
back there again.
"I
was back there in that place. I thought I was with Westenra and with
Ivan-" She bit off her words before she could reveal the surname.
"Everything got jumbled together. Sometimes I flash back and it's just a
memory. Other times, I'm living it all over again, and the real world is
just... gone. And sometimes, like tonight, it mingles and I can't tell the
difference between the past and the present and the monsters... I keep seeing
faces. So many faces. The monsters in the dark. If I'd been dealing with just
your dad, I'd have been fine, or mostly, but suddenly I was twelve years old
and I was back in that place and I didn't know what to do and I thought we were
both going to die or... or something worse. I was waiting for...."
When
she didn't go on, he took a step nearer. "What were you waiting for?"
Dylan
raked a trembling hand through her hair. "I was waiting, just waiting, for
someone to grab me, to hurt me again. I mean, I could feel hands on me,
feel hot breath on my neck. I was convinced... even though I knew there was no
way it would happen, a huge part of me was waiting for your father to attack
me. Not just to order someone to attack or hurt us. I was waiting for him
to... to try and... I just... he was going to... they always try to...."
"My
father would never do such a thing, Dylan. He is capable of much, I freely
admit, but not rape. Even if such evil were within his purview, he has not the
strength to harm you that way. Surely you know that?" She flicked a glance
at him before turning her head to stare at the floor. Nuada paused. Considered.
"You were not actually reacting to the present situation, were you? Not at
all. When you begged my father to spare me, who were you talking to?" Her
mouth opened, closed. No sound came out. She pressed her lips together.
"Who were you seeing? Westenra? Or someone else?"
"Nuada,
please-"
"Tell
me. Who were you seeing in your mind? Who were you so afraid of? Afraid
for?"
"Everyone,"
she confessed. "Everyone who's ever mattered to me and ever been
threatened. You. John. My sisters. My family. My patients. Everyone who
matters. But especially you. And I kept seeing... everyone who'd ever
threatened me. Westenra. Patrick and Xander. Their... their... just... I don't
know why it was so bad. But no, I wasn't reacting as much to your father or the
situation I was actually in. I was reacting to what my mind kept
insisting was happening. Or going to happen."
Which
meant, the Elven warrior thought, that she'd been reacting to the certainty
that if she didn't beg for her life - and his - they would be... what?
He
knew. After walking through Dylan's memories, after being forced to skim
Westenra's twisted mind, Nuada knew what she'd been afraid would happen if she
didn't beg. That he would be killed - probably tortured to death before her
very eyes. Just as in her worst nightmares, in the brutal mind-rapes Eamonn had
inflicted on her barely two months ago. That Dylan herself would then be raped,
again and again, until her assailants either bored of the sick game and killed
her, or she died beneath them. And no amount of reassurance from anyone, even
herself, would have been able to allay those fears.
"My
father said something that triggered another flashback," Nuada said
softly. He wondered what it could have been. "That is why you were so
upset before, when you stepped out of his receiving room and came to me. He
triggered something." Dylan looked away. "What did he say? What did
he do?"
"If
I tell you, you have to promise not to do anything about it. I mean it. I
wouldn't ask you if he'd done anything worth challenging him over, so you have
to promise you won't confront him about this."
"I
will make no such promise. What could he possibly have done to terrify you so
badly?" When Dylan merely bit her lip again, Nuada commanded,
"Remember our bargain, my lady."
She
closed her eyes. Sighed. "Okay. He made me strip. Not strip naked,"
she hastened to add when a snarl ripped out of the Elven warrior and his hands
convulsed into fists. "Relax! I had on shorts and a half-cami. But it...
Nuada, it scared me to death. Westenra used to... he would... and Ivan...
they... it's just pretend," she whispered brokenly. Her eyes were glassy.
"Just a game of pretend, they said. Have to make sure you're not hurt,
sweetheart, have to make sure things didn't get too rough. Just close your eyes
and let them see and it'll be over in a minute, it won't hurt, no one will hurt
you, they always said that but it wasn't true-"
Nuada
grabbed her wrists and squeezed hard enough to get her attention. She gasped.
Jumped. Stared at him. "Dylan, you are safe here with me. Do not go back
down that road. I'm here now. No one will hurt you when I am here. It is all
right. It is only a memory. It isn't real. I am real. Feel me.
Know that I'm real. Know it."
Trembling
fingertips brushed his cheek. His temple. Traced the whorl-shaped scar there.
"Nuada." She swallowed. "Nuada. Yes. I'm all right. Thank you.
I'll be all right. That's all he did, Nuada, I promise. That's all your father
did. He wanted to see how badly I was hurt. It just panicked me because...
because they would always-" She fell silent when the Elf released her
wrists with a low snarl.
The
warrior rose to his feet and began to pace to work off some of the temper
burning through him like acid. Oh, he knew what Westenra used to do, to
her and to other girls. What other men and those sick, twisted human whelps
would do. Force an innocent girl to strip slowly on the pretense that she
needed to be examined for damage in the aftermath of a brutal encounter with
those vermin. It saved the monsters the effort of ripping the clothes out of
their way when they would... and it aroused them to watch a trembling and
terrified innocent forced to perform that way. Bastards.
Dylan's
memories swam to the surface of his mind. Bile burned the back of his throat as
his gorge rose. He would not think about such things. Not now. She
needed him to keep focused. And he needed to figure out what had
happened between her and his father so that it never happened again.
"He
didn't know, Nuada," she said softly. "Your father didn't know."
"The
king should have called a healer to examine you," the prince snapped.
"He
did. He called Táebfada."
Nuada
paused in his pacing. Stared at her. "Táebfada? Why would he do that? He
does not trust Táebfada...." He trailed off. Frowned. "Because
Táebfada is loyal to me. She is a friend. Or at least an ally. But you
trust her, don't you? That is why my father chose her. To try and make it
easier for you. He remained because he does not trust her to report to him
accurately, knowing that you would no doubt tell her I was the one to attack
you. Yet he chose her to make things easier for you."
"Oh.
I... oh." Dylan sighed. Scrubbed at her face with the backs of her hands.
"Your dad confuses me. Maybe just because I'm tired, but seriously - I am
confused now. Why would he even care if it was easy for me or not?"
The
prince waved the confusion away. "Never mind that. But was this negligent
cruelty on my father's part the reason you were so very frightened?"
Dylan
shook her head. "It was a combination of things. I was exhausted already -
I've been up for almost twenty-four hours, and I haven't been sleeping, and my
pain meds just make the exhaustion even worse. The two flashbacks in the garden
left me... unstable."
"May
I ask you something?" When she nodded, he asked, "When I suggested
sending you away... why did that frighten you so badly?"
A single
tear spilled down her cheek. "My parents sent me away," she reminded
him. "That day... they didn't even warn me. One day I came home
from school and there was a van in our driveway and when I went into the house,
they sat me down on the living room couch and told me I had to be sent away.
That sending me away was what was best. That it wasn't safe for me to live at
home anymore. I'd be safer at Saint Vincent's. My siblings would be safer if I
was gone. Everything would be better. Everyone would be happier if I was gone.
They'd be happier if I was locked away where they never had to see me
again."
Even
Nuada could not quite believe humans capable of that. Some humans, yes, but not
humans who had birthed and raised a child like Dylan, or even one like John.
"Surely they at least visited...." He trailed off when she shook her
head. "Not once?"
"John
came. He threw tantrums and refused to eat and kept picking fights at school
and getting sent home until my parents agreed to drop him off so he could visit
me once a month. He wrote me letters every day. He was the only one. My sisters
weren't allowed to visit at first, and then they didn't want to, once people at
their schools found out where I was. And my parents never visited me. Never
called. Never sent letters. Not even cards on my birthday or at Christmas. It
was too painful for them, I think."
Hatred
burned when Nuada growled, "Too painful? You are too forgiving of their
sins-"
"Oh,
shut up," she snapped. "They're dead, Nuada, what would
staying angry do? Nothing. That's not the point. The point is that the
last time someone told me I was being sent away for my own good, for my safety,
because it was better for me, I ran. I was seven years old, and I ran through
the house, trying to get to the back door so I could get to the creek at the
edge of our backyard. I knew if I could get there, the fae there would help me.
They would protect me.
"And
these two men... they chased me through my own house, trying to catch me, to
hurt me. My mother was crying and my father just stood there and let them chase
me. Another man had to pin John to the floor. He kept yelling for me to run.
Kept fighting even though he was just a kid and that guy was huge. My sisters
were all crying because they could hear me screaming and John shouting and my
mom sobbing. They'd all been told to stay in their rooms, but they could still
hear what was happening.
"Petra
didn't stay in her room," Dylan added. "Petra tried to stop them. She
tried to help me. I found out later from John that my parents grounded her for
a year from everything for that. No television, no movies, no phone calls, no
magazines, no friends over, no extracurriculars at school, nothing. They made
her quit cheerleading, too, even though she was the best on her squad. They made
her quit babysitting. She wasn't even allowed to play with our other sisters,
or with John. John, my parents forgave. He was a little kid. Petra was
thirteen. They didn't forgive her, and I doubt she's forgiven me.
"The
last time someone told me they were sending me away... I ended up with my back
and my arms sliced to ribbons from trying to squeeze under the back fence,
beaten for trying to resist those men, sedated to keep me from struggling
anymore, tied up in the back of a van, crying and bleeding. And it's at least a
two-hour drive from where we lived in Jersey to New York City.
"Once
we got to Saint Vincent's, they processed me, which took hours. I had to strip
in front of strangers. They gave me shots - sedatives, innoculations, tests to
make sure I wasn't sick already. They cut my hair. I had the longest hair when
I was little, I loved it, because my mom loved it, and they just cut it all off
with some scissors. They took away my clothes. My shoes. My doll that my mom
had sent with me; they took that, too. Even the twin-locket that had a picture
of me and John in it. I...."
She
trailed off, shaking her head. "That's why I panicked. The first flashback
was so bad, I hadn't recovered yet. The present wasn't real to me yet.
And then you said 'send you home' and all I heard was 'send you back.' I
thought I would have to face all of that again. And I thought... part of me
thought, 'I've done it again. I've messed up again. Even Nuada doesn't want me
anymore. He's going to leave me in that place.'"
I'll be
good, she'd said. A child's voice. The terrified plea
of a little girl to her parents. She'd used his name in her pleading, but had
she really been speaking to him at all? I didn't do anything this time.
Memory spilling into the real world, until she couldn't tell the difference.
Until she was no longer the Dylan he knew, but a frightened seven-year-old
child who knew what being sent away meant for bad girls. In her mind, he had
been about to send her away to another eleven years of vicious physical and sexual
abuse from which there was no escape but death.
After a
very long and brittle silence, Nuada came back to her and knelt at her feet.
"Listen to me and listen well. I am so sorry, mo duinne. I did not know. I
would never have said such a thing if I had known. And I will never, ever
abandon you as they did. Never. I did not know you would take it that
way-"
A
gentle, silencing fingertip touched his lips. "It's okay. You're right,
you didn't know. I didn't tell you. I've been... been trying to hide it. Trying
to pretend I wasn't so messed up. It's okay. Anyway, I was starting to be okay
when we came back in here and talked. I had to be okay - you needed me.
But then you said you were going to tell your father what had happened and... I
remembered Gunter and...."
"Your
friend who died?" Nuada ventured. "When you were younger?"
She
nodded. "Cut his own throat with a shard from a coffee mug,
actually." The words were toneless and dull. "He talked us into going
to the adults about what happened in the basement and they wouldn't listen,
wouldn't believe him. Wouldn't believe us. They said that obviously there was
some hostility between the four of us and Patrick and Xander. Said we should
talk it out. Have some counseling sessions together.
"Alison
and Ruby had hysterics at that point. I started yelling at the doctor and the
nurses because they just would not listen. They made me stay in the room with
Gunter while they dragged Ruby and Alison out into the hall to try and calm
them down. I was staring at the door to the hallway, I was so angry, I was
thinking about just marching out there and screaming at them, attacking them,
just so long as I was doing something to make them listen. Then I heard
this crashing sound and I turned around and he just... he gave me this look.
Like he was sorry, because he was leaving me, too. And then he....
"You
never tell." She shook her head slowly back and forth, voice going
distant. "You never ever tell the monsters what happened to you. It just
gives them a reason to say you're bad. Just gives them something to feed on.
Just gives them one more way to hurt you. There was so much blood... that
day... all over me. And when you... you were dying, there was blood everywhere,
I... you were going to tell him and he was going to hurt you, just like before,
and-"
"But
I am all right now," Nuada said firmly. "I am all right, Dylan. I am
not hurt. You need not fear for me now. I am all right."
Slowly,
Dylan nodded. Sighed. "Yes. Yes, you are. But that's why I panicked. My
exhaustion and my fragility were made worse because of what I know your
father's capable of, and because Moundshroud warned me that Balor might try to
kill you if you push him too far. And I was shaky to begin with; I've been
shaky since...." She trailed off. Gave a weak, self-deprecating laugh.
"For years, actually. It's just that I had ways to cope before, and when I
stopped using them, I always - almost always - avoided situations that would
trigger this sort of response in me."
Trembling
fists pressed against her temples and she bowed her head. "I'm not... I'm
not mentally stable," she confessed. "I don't how long it's been
since I was. My... fragility is why I became an alcoholic and a drug addict. It
helped mellow me out. Helped me function. But that's why I ended up back in a
mental hospital for three months when I was in my early twenties - I'm not
stable. The only reason I didn't try to kill myself then was because I just
barely managed to hold onto my faith in God. And that's why I used to see a
therapist. But once things started going crazy in October, I stopped. I wanted
to make sure my schedule didn't negatively impact anything you needed to do, or
needed me to do.
"And
because of everything we've been doing, I've had to take my pain medication
more than I normally do. I usually get by on one-third or half-doses, because
Vicodin is addictive and I can't function without at least a little but I can't
risk... but now I can't do that and that's left me messed up, too." Dylan
sighed. "I'm a few short steps away from losing my mind. I'm sorry. I'm so
sorry."
Nuada
guided her to the bed and forced her to sit down on the soft mattress. He knelt
before her. "Why do you apologize for this? I already knew you were
fragile. Do not apologize for this."
He had
felt that strain on her mind since that night in the sanctuary when she'd
screamed at him and he had raged at her. When he had first learned just what
her life had been like. The soul-purging had helped, but it hadn't erased the
strain. Merely eased it a little. And now that Nuala's spell protecting Dylan's
mind from the memories of Eamonn's psychic assaults was fading... how much more
strain was her mind under? And had the spells laid on them tonight done
anything to her ability to remain locked in the present? How close was
she to breaking?
But he
didn't ask these things. He only said, "Humans even have a name for such a
thing, do they not? You said it earlier."
"Yeah
- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder," she whispered. She swiped at her dry
eyes and would not look at him. "I was diagnosed when I was twenty-four,
almost out of med school. It's a mental illness. They usually medicate people
who have it this severely. Give them anti-anxiety medication or
anti-depressants or... or something. I have meds at home, my therapist says I
need them, but I... I just..."
"Yet
you do not take such things, though your own mind-healer bids you do so."
She
shook her head. "I can't." She covered her mouth with one hand and
shook her head again, squeezing her eyes shut. "I can't. Not ever. Not
ever again. They pumped that poison through my veins for years. For years.
And it kept me their little whore-zombie all that time. I will not live
like that. I can't just be some mindless shell again. That's all it did. It
made me this empty freak that they would... I would rather be dead than
live like that. I will not take that poison-"
"All
right," he said softly. This wasn't begging again. This wasn't a
flashback. This was merely twenty-two years' worth of quiet desperation. He'd
seen what five years of desperation had done to her. Saw it still in the
ice-white scars at the bends of her elbows and at her inner thighs, over her
heart. And he remembered that terrible brittleness she'd had the night Westenra
had called and Nuada had forced her to tell him everything. He'd felt it was
unsafe to leave her alone that night. Hadn't let himself think about why that
would have been. Now he knew. Desperation had driven her to do terrible things
before. It didn't even hurt at first. Why not now? "All right. I
understand. But Dylan, you must calm down. You have to relax and be calm if you
want me to help you-"
Dylan
jerked away from him, scrabbling back across the bed to press against a
bedpost. "I don't want your help," she snapped. "Leave me alone.
I don't need anybody's help. There's nothing wrong with me."
"Dylan,"
he said. Just her name. Not in a voice meant to soothe. The Elf prince couldn't
be sure that wouldn't trigger something else. No, this was the voice he used
whenever it was just the two of them, and he needed some way to show her what
she meant to him. To show her how much he loved and needed her. Even if needing
her made him just as weak and pathetic as she feared she was. Better to be weak
than not have her at all. "Dylan."
She
covered her mouth with her hand again. "I'm sorry. Nuada, I'm sorry. I
didn't mean any of that. Just... just don't say that to me. Okay? I'm sorry.
They used to say stuff like that all the time right before.... That's why I
freaked out when your father kept saying he wasn't going to hurt me, that all I
had to do was tell the truth. Westenra always said that. He always promised I
wouldn't get hurt if I was honest and then I'd tell and then there was always
pain. Always... okay." She closed her eyes. "I'm not there anymore.
I'm here. I'm with you. I'm all right. I'm just fine." The breath escaped
her in a shuddering sigh. Her eyes flicked open. "I'm fine."
"Are
you?" He held out a hand to her and she crept back across the bed, her
eyes downcast. "Truly?"
She
nodded. Curled up on her side upon the bed, her hair falling in front of her
face like a dark curtain. "For now. I don't know... I don't know if I will
be later. I'm sorry, Nuada. I know you don't need this now. It's... I'm sorry.
I'm technically mentally ill." She nearly choked on a self-deprecating
laugh. "Jeez, I hate that phrase. 'Insane' or 'crazy' doesn't sound much
better, though, does it? My sisters used to say that to me. That I was crazy.
That they hated me because I was crazy and I was ruining their lives. My
parents used to say I was sick. That I had to go away because I was sick and it
was the only way for me to get better." She swallowed. "I'm sorry. I
should have told you sooner, I guess. I promise that I'll do better. I'll be
stronger."
He
touched her shoulder. "I already knew, Dylan. I was merely missing a few
details." Such as the severity of it all. Nuada knew warriors who, from
soul-scars incurred during war, could sometimes be dangerous even to those they
loved if a flashback was triggered. He had not realized Dylan's flashbacks
could be that severe. Had not known there were times when she did not
even know where she was or when. And he had not known she was supposed to take
medication for her condition. Had not known she skimped on taking the
painkillers for her bad knee, either. Getting angry with her for such
self-abuse would serve no purpose, however. He would have to think about what
was to be done about such things later.
"As
for being stronger..." Nuada trailed off, considering. "Warriors who
have seen terrible battle often suffer from similar haunts. Sometimes
battle-haunts are the least of the wounds left on their hearts."
He
thought of the one time as a young boy before his mother's death when he'd
tried to scare his father, thinking it amusing. He'd hidden behind a tree along
a garden path. Quieted his breathing and heartbeat as the weapons' masters had
taught him. Sensing his father's approach, the Elven princeling had leapt out
from behind the tree. Nuada couldn't remember, but he thought he might have
cried, "Boo!" Just to be silly. He'd thought his father would laugh
after recovering from his startlement.
Instead,
the warrior-king had lashed out before he'd realized his assailant was his own
child. Luckily the king had not been armed. The blow of Balor's fist had laid
Nuada out flat on the ground and left his ears ringing. It had taken the prince
a moment to realize he couldn't breathe. Then he'd gasped, choked. That first
breath of frigid air after the blow had burned his suddenly-tight chest. Then
he'd begun to cry.
Ashamed
and shaken, his father had lifted him up out of the dust and held him, to
comfort him. Once the young prince was calm, Balor had taken him back to the
royal nursery for his governess and his nurse to fuss over him while the king
had gone to the queen to tell Cethlenn what had happened. Later, Balor and
Cethlenn both had come to apologize and to explain to a still-uncertain prince
as to why his father had struck him so very hard for such an innocent game.
"At
least you have not hurt someone you love while trapped in the past," he
said gently. "There is that, yes? And such shadows haunt many, including
those who have been imprisoned and tortured - as you were. There is no shame in
it. I am not angry with you. Forgive me for raising my voice. I am merely
concerned."
"I'll
be better," Dylan promised. "I won't screw things up for you-"
"That
is not what I am concerned over," Nuada said. Sucking in a breath,
he rose upright on his knees and leaned forward, cupping the back of Dylan's
head to induce her to lean down. She touched her forehead to his. "I am
concerned about you. I love you, Dylan." He saw the flicker of
uncertainty and disbelief in her eyes and whispered, "I love you, mo
duinne. More than I ever thought possible. Broken or not," and now he
forced himself to smile a little, though his face felt as if it might crack in
half, "mad or not, I love you. I will always love you. Nothing you do and
nothing you are can change that."
"Nuada,
I might be losing my mind, you can't say that-"
"We
will find a way to mend anything that is broken or breaking," he
whispered. "I promise you. My word, as the crown prince of Bethmoora. As
an Elven warrior. As the man who loves you more than his own life. We will mend
whatever needs to be mended. We will do what needs to be done. All right? Go
back to your mind-healer if that is what you need. I'll not stand in your way.
I shall even ensure that whatever time you need will not interfere with what
needs doing in Findias. All right?"
"What
if... what if I can't do it?"
He
raised his eyebrows. "What if you can't? What is there that you
cannot do, my love?"
"I
can't fly," she replied promptly. He shot her a flat look. To his surprise
and pleasure, a smile curved her mouth. "Sorry. Just had to throw that out
there."
"You
know very well what I meant. Insolent chit." Her smile widened into a
tired grin. "There is nothing you cannot do. Nothing. And I will help you.
Just as you have sworn to be what I need, I swear to be what you need. We will
do it together. Whatever it takes."
"Thank
you. I...." She fought for composure. Smiled. "Thank you, Nuada. I
never thought... thank you. And I really will be okay. For now, at
least. I finally managed to take the time to properly anchor myself. It's the
first time I've done it so thoroughly - in a healthy way - in a long time. Or
ever, actually. I actually feel a whole lot better. More... more in the
present. I'm still a little unsteady, but I'll be okay."
"Will
you? With all that has happened tonight? With my father's commands looming over
our heads? Or is that pushing you too far?"
"No,
it's not. I'll be okay. I don't mind the wedding thing, honestly, I don't. Not
really. I'm a little uncomfortable but... I...." She gestured helplessly.
"I get to marry you. Without breaking my oaths. I'll be fine. You don't
have to worry about my sanity holding just because of that. I think it was
mostly that I'm exhausted, on top of the spell, and not being able to anchor
myself properly up until now. I'll be all right. And you don't have to worry
about what's best for me or what's fair to me. Just... what can I do to make
this easier for you? Just answer me that."
Allowing
her to change the subject, Nuada said, "Ask me for something."
She
blinked. "I just did. I asked you for an answer."
"That
is my answer. Ask me for something. I want you to get something out of
all of this. Something to make this worth it. Do that, and I will acquiesce to
my father's command. Ask me for something."
"Ask
for something."
"Yes,"
he said. "Ask."
"Anything?"
"Anything.
If it is within my power to grant it, I will."
Dylan
sank onto the edge of her bed. Frowned. "And this will make you happy?
This will make things fair? Or more fair, at least. If you make sacrifices for
me, to compensate for the sacrifice I'm making for you." He nodded.
"Okay. Um... anything? More than one thing? Or just one thing?"
"Preferably
more than one thing. And yes, anything."
"Okay.
Um... you have to wear hot pink spandex every Friday for the rest of your
life."
"Done.
Wait...." He paused. Blinked. "What?"
She
couldn't help it - she laughed. "You weren't even listening! You seriously
just agreed to wear hot pink spandex every Friday for the rest of your life!
Cripes, Nuada. This is ridiculous. I don't want anything from you except an
affirmative answer to your father's order."
"I
know there are things that you desire of me."
"Yes,"
Dylan admitted, "but those are things that I can never have, so why hurt
you by asking for them?"
He
folded his arms and leaned against the wall. "Such as?"
The
mortal sighed. "Such as, you won't convert just because I ask you. I
wouldn't even want that, because it would be wrong of me, it would be a lie,
and it would break something between us, and within you, to dishonor yourself
with a lie that way. So you being a Latter-Day Saint is out. And such as...
such as...." She stared at her feet. At the chubby little penguins gazing
back, wide-eyed, from her socks. Her voice was barely there when she whispered,
"A baby. I know that's not an option for us. Why would I ask for that,
knowing it would only hurt you that you can't give me the one thing I want the
most?"
Nuada
closed his eyes. Sighed. Longing was a hollow ache in his chest. "I would
give you a child, mo duinne, if I could." Oh, to see her with their child
in her arms. To know she carried a life inside her that they had made together.
To know he had been able to grant her that dearest wish.... He swallowed back
the soft yearning.
"I
know," she murmured. "But Nuada... I really can't think of anything
else. There's nothing I want that you can give me, that you haven't given me
already. You're good to me. You understand me - most of the time, anyway. You
accept me. You let me be who I need to be. You respect me. You love me."
Dylan flipped her hands over and gazed dispassionately at the traces of blood
smeared across her nail-marked palms. "You never try to change me. The
only things you ask me to do are usually for my own good. You let me be. No one
else but John has ever done that. What else is there?"
The
Elven warrior came to her and looked down at her hands. Seamlessly changing the
subject himself, he cupped her lacerated hands and murmured, "Why do you
do this to yourself, Dylan?"
Remembering
their bargain of honestly, she replied, "Like I said, I had a really bad
flashback while I was talking to your father. I couldn't afford to let it
affect me. I had no idea how he would take it. If I started panicking like I
did in the garden, and you were with me, you could have done something, but you
weren't there and it was just him and me. I was scared of doing something that
would make him hurt you. I had to stay grounded. There was no time to anchor
myself the right way, so I had to do it with pain. Then he pushed me too far
anyway and I freaked, so it didn't really work."
"Why
me?" He asked. She cocked her head, frowning. "Why is it that I could
have done something to help you? Why am I what anchors you? Because of my gift
of mind-touch?"
Dylan
shook her head. "Almost from the moment I met you, you've represented
safety. That's why. You're safe. You have always meant safety to me and you
will always be a person and place of safety for me."
Without
another word, Nuada brought her to her feet and led her to the master bathroom.
At a gesture from him, she hopped up on the counter while he fetched a dark
washcloth from the cupboard that housed towels and other such things. There was
no sound for a time except when Nuada turned on the water to let it fill up the
silver-veined white marble sink. He wet the cloth. For the second time that night,
he gently cleaned blood from her skin.
He said
nothing during that time. She didn't feel the need to press him into speaking,
either. The silence wasn't strained or uncomfortable. It wasn't companionable,
by any stretch of the imagination, but it wasn't a heavy or painful silence.
They were both simply exhausted. Exhausted, and trying not to think of what
would happen once the new wounds were seen to.
"Eventually,"
he said once he was finished, "if you keep doing this, you will get
scars."
She
shrugged. "Maybe. What's a few more?"
Nuada
said nothing. Merely raised her hand to his mouth. He breathed against her
palm, as he had done after that fateful dance lesson with Cíaran. Soft and
subtle power slid over her palm. He'd seen his sister practicing this trick and
had decided to give it a try that day when Cíaran had threatened her. It had
worked then, and it worked now, caressing the shallow crescents in Dylan's palm
with magic, sealing the wounds. Nuada did the same to her other hand. He met fey-like
blue eyes.
Dylan
swallowed. She was tired, so tired, and there were no more reasons to prevent
her from going to bed. If she and Nuada didn't obey the king... she didn't know
how Balor would find out they hadn't slept in the same bed. Send a maid as a
spy while they slept? Scry them with magic? Whatever. The human knew the fae
king would know if he was disobeyed. She didn't dare risk that. Who knew what
he would try to force on them if they didn't obey? Who knew what he would do to
Nuada? Especially with Nuada's refusal to marry her still looming over them
all.
"Are
you nervous? About... about what happens next?" She asked her prince. He
skimmed his knuckles along the scar slashing down her cheek and said nothing.
"Silly question, huh? You're an Elf. Of course you're not nervous."
He
smiled. "You are learning."
She
nodded and tucked a lock of hair behind one ear. "Okay. Um... I, um... let
me change my shirt, say my prayers, and read my scriptures, and then... then we
can... um... excuse me." She practically fled to her closet. Inside, she
stripped off the flannel overshirt, her thin black sleep-top, and the half-cami
with its shelf-bra. Dragged on a thick, black sleep-cami instead. She wanted
layers between her and the prince. So many layers that if his hands ended up...
anywhere... for any reason - evil spells, sleepy accident, the sudden
disappearance of anything resembling good judgment - she'd be able to keep her
brains from liquifying in her skull and spilling out of her ears.
Yanking
on a thin, long-sleeved top, she covered that with an extra-extra large black
t-shirt John had brought her with Lord of the Rings scrollwork written
across the chest in elegant fiery letters. The shirt hung nearly to her knees.
She had to lose the spandex shorts because they just weren't comfortable to
sleep in, but she traded them and her thin plaid PJ bottoms for her thickest,
baggiest flannel pajama pants. The penguin socks stayed; her feet were a little
cold.
Dropping
to her knees, Dylan folded her arms and bowed her head. Heavenly Father,
she prayed, I am in huge trouble. Help me, please.
.
Nuada
settled onto the windowseat and stared out through the glass, painted with
glittering hoarfrost, at the cold white moon. So much had happened tonight.
Only now did he have time to let it all sink in.
He'd
been placed under house-arrest once more. The Silver Lance had been taken from
him again. Anterion and Farai had both made it clear at the banquet that they
were furious with him for taking Dylan, a mere mortal, as his lady. He couldn't
be too sure of the rest of his allies and friends. Dierdre had made a - very
subtle and rather timid - play for his attentions, and he had gently rebuffed
her. When she'd pressed the prince, he'd been sharp with her. He disliked
having needed to do so, but it had been necessary. Though he was oddly fond of
the Fomorian woman, she needed to remember to whom she spoke at times.
Someone
had managed to lay a spell upon him. Someone had managed to touch him with
Branwen's Tears. The only people powerful enough to lay the compulsion spells
in attendance were fae kings. Only two kings had any sort of reason to do so:
Anterion, for what he would consider Nuada's betrayal, and Balor. Yet Balor had
helped Nuada. Broken the spells. Granted him mercy. Forgiven him. Promised
further aid in finding whoever might have dared to try and bewitch the crown
prince.
Yet
what if Dylan was right in her suspicions of the king? From what he understood,
she didn't specifically suspect Balor and only Balor. She only mistrusted him
because of his behavior regarding the entire situation. What had taken
so long for the king to respond to Siothrún's report? Why hadn't he or Nuala
come to open the garden gate for the guards? It was not as if Dylan had been
particularly quiet. Her terrified cries had been heard by the Butchers; that
was why Siothrún had gone to report to the king in the first place. So what had
taken so long? Why hadn't his father answered Dylan's questions? And what had
Balor meant, "I know your weaknesses?" What weaknesses of Dylan's
could he possibly know, and use against her? Unless the king simply meant Nuada
himself. For just as Dylan was his greatest weakness, so too was the prince
hers.
And
Siothrún... Siothrún was his father's spy among the Butchers, it seemed. How
much of what went on between Nuada and his mortal truelove did the guard report
to Balor? The idea of someone detailing any of the tender moments between
himself and Dylan to the king sent a hot wash of anger through the Elven
warrior. Was he allowed no stars-cursed peace? What happened between him and
his lady was private. Special. Someone daring to violate or desecrate that
privacy infuriated him.
The
fact that someone, anyone, had invaded the sanctity of their time together with
these spells infuriated him, as well. They, whoever they were, had twisted how
he felt for his lady and turned it into something vulgar and sickening. Had
taken the gift of Dylan's trust and the gift of what Nuada himself meant to
offer her with tenderness, gentleness, patience... and ripped it from their
grasp.
He
thought of the passionate kisses they'd shared in the garden. He could still
taste her on his tongue. Still feel every soft curve of her body when she'd
arched against him. Those memories beckoned him... and enraged him. Every clean
moment of intimacy a person was normally blessed with in their life had been
defiled in Dylan's. Her first kiss was bestowed by a monster against her will.
That first intimate touch taken without consent by beasts. Her innocence ripped
away by two putrid human animals. No vengeance, no royal authority, and no
magic could restore what had been stolen from her. The truth of that was bitter
as wormwood in his belly.
Yet he
had hoped... hoped that, with time and with patience, with love, he could give
her back at least a little of what she had lost. He'd had plans for the two of
them, if he was ever blessed to take her as his lover or his wife. Plans that
included sweet kisses, gentle touches, romance. He had vowed to be careful of
her memories. Careful to ensure that no shadow marred whatever physical
intimacy she would grace him with.
And
these bastards, whoever they were, had not only violated all of that,
but had ensorcelled him so that, regardless of potential plans for sweet
willing seduction, he had gone too far. Yet another private moment in Dylan's
life ruined by those who cared nothing for what they took from her. Damn
them.
Nuada
touched his forehead to the icy glass and forced himself to breathe deeply and
evenly, in the pattern he used for meditation. Anger would serve no purpose
now. The black rage seething within him like hot poison certainly would do no
good and might in fact do harm, with Dylan still somewhat fragile. He would be
calm. He would think, and plan, and wait for his enemies - their enemies - to
misstep. To make a mistake. And when they did, he would be on them like wolves
on wounded prey, and he would taste their blood.
But for
now, he needed to focus. To think on everything that had happened. Including
the two most important things.
He
would have to think of something to do about Dylan. Perhaps have an Elven
mind-healer speak with her. Humans were fools; perhaps this mind-healer she'd
been seeing was wrong about his lady needing medicine to keep the past at bay.
Maybe there was another way for her to cope, one that wasn't like a knife in
her half-broken heart. One that didn't require her to pay in blood. Nuada would
have to think of something.
And the
most important thing was that the king of Bethmoora had commanded his heir to
take the mortal lady as his wife. A longed-for and yet dreaded order. The only
thing that would make Dylan accept Nuada's proposal. The only thing that
allowed them to be together that way.
Nuada
closed his eyes and imagined it for a moment. Waking up beside her every
morning. Having her, if not constantly at his side, at least hovering somewhere
near the very center of his life. Simply being with Dylan. Basking in the
comfort of her. Finding solace with her. And then, as night deepened, they
could lie together and he could fall asleep with her head resting on his chest,
his arms around her. Simply to fall asleep holding her would be... there were
no words.
Of
course, his people would be disgusted. Furious with him. Taking a mortal as his
wife? Making her their new princess? After all his campaigning against the
truce, against the human world? It would be viewed as a betrayal. It was
a betrayal. His honor still pricked him like a needle of iron whenever he let
himself think of it, but he was too weak-willed to refuse himself that joy and
that peace any longer. And of course his people would wonder, if the prince had
gone mad enough to take a human as his bride, was he also mad enough to beget
children with her? He had sired no bastards, so the position of heir to the
crown prince had been given to no one. If he and Dylan made a child, that child
would be the next in line for the throne after Nuada himself. The fae of
Bethmoora would wonder, was their prince feckless enough, insane enough, to
weaken the royal line with mortal blood?
To be
married to Dylan... bane and blessing, that. Yet he would have accepted all of
that. Accepted all of the rat's nest of problems that were bound to come with
taking a mortal wife. He'd have made her his without hesitation... if not for
the look of defeat on her face when Balor had given his order. He couldn't do
that to her.
"You're
thinking about it too much," Dylan said as she moved from the closet door
to the open bathroom doorway. She darted into the bathroom and snagged
something off the counter. Came back into the bedroom with her hairbrush.
"You're making this too complicated. Your oath to your king means you have
to do what he says, so long as his orders aren't dishonorable. That means when
the king says, 'Jump,' you ask, 'How high?' Right?"
She
perched on the edge of her bed and began to attack the snarls and tangles in
her hair with a vengeance. The mortal might have sounded calm and collected,
but Nuada knew better. Without a word, he got up and went to her. Plucked the
brush out of her hands. "You will damage your hair, doing it that
way," he murmured. Deft fingers separated a length of Dylan's hair from
the rest. Starting at the bottom, Nuada began to work the brush through it, bit
by bit. The tension slowly drained out of her. She sighed. Nuada said, "I
would be ashamed to take you as my wife when the thought is so abhorrent to
you."
"What
do you want me to say, Nuada? That I wish I could marry you without the king
having to order it? I do. I want to be your wife. I want to marry you. Even
with all the crazy stuff going on, the politics and the responsibilities of
being a princess - not to mention everyone hating me for being human - I still
want to marry you. I don't know what else you need from me. I mean, what, do
you not believe me?"
"Feeling
better?" He asks instead of answering her. "Did saying your prayers
help at all?"
"Yeah.
It helped a lot, actually. So did reading my scriptures. I feel a lot
better. Almost entirely back to normal. A little weepy, maybe, but- hey!"
She cried suddenly, glaring. "Don't change the subject!"
"I-"
He began. A tinkling chiming sound cut him off. Nuada frowned. The chiming came
again. "What is that irritating noise?"
Dylan
jumped. "Oh, my gosh! That's my phone!" Extricating her hair from the
brush the prince held, she scrambled across the bed and reached down to scoop
up her purse off the floor from beside the bedside table. "Who could be
trying to contact me right now?" Fumbling the purse open took a minute.
Rooting around in it for the jingling contraption took two more. Finally Dylan
yanked the phone out of her purse. "Ha! Gotcha!" Her fingers flew
across the touch-screen. She frowned. "What? Who is this?"
It
wasn't a call, or a text, but an IM. She'd left the internet open on her
smartphone after using it to look up a Michelle Phan tutorial before the
banquet. Now the IM icon on her phone flashed brightly, informing her with
every blink and ding sound that someone was trying to contact her. That
someone was apparently drachegold(at)FCTavern(dot)fae. And
they had something very interesting to say to her.
Drachegold: Is his royal highness with
you? I need you to relay something to him for me, right away.
Dylan
stared at the IM read-out for a long moment in stunned silence. Who was this
person? How had they gotten her number? And how did they know about Nuada? She
hastily texted back, What are you talking about? Who are you?
Drachegold: You and I met one cold
winter's night in a dragon's cave.
A
dragon's cave? Wait... drachegold. German for "dragon's gold."
One cold winter's night, Nuada had taken her to a dragon's cave, and she had
met a woman with lips as red as fresh-spilt blood, hair black as darkest
midnight, skin white as new-fallen snow, and eyes cold as dragon's gold.
Lorelei? The mortal asked, and relaxed when the IM came back with the words, Brava!
=) I need you to let his highness know that his best friend is safe and well.
Just in case our previous message went awry.
"Nuada!"
Dylan scrambled back across the bed to flop next to him so she could show him
the screen. "Look. It's a message from Lorelei about Wink." The Elven
warrior scanned the words on the screen. A brief smile curved the prince's
mouth. Wink might say he was all right and be wounded yet. But if the
rhinemaiden said Wink was both safe and well... there was no need to worry for
the moment.
"Have
Lorelei inform Wink that he is long overdue in returning," the prince
said. Dylan gave him an exasperated look and shook her head.
DMyers: Where the heck has he
BEEN? Have you been with him? Is he alright? Are
YOU alright? You realize he's been missing for going on three weeks now, right?
Thinking of Nuada's anger and the worry and stress over Wink's disappearance,
which had only fueled that anger and transformed it into fury, she added, Prince
LIONRAGE over here has been near out of his mind for him.
Drachegold: We... had a bit of misadventure
when some trouble started at the Midnight Fest that we went to. Ja, I've been
with him. Would you mind if I called your phone? I have something that will
keep the line secure.
When
Dylan didn't respond right away, the phone chimed with a new message.
Drachegold: Bitte?
As
Dylan texted her number to the rhinemaiden, Nuada peered over her shoulder to
see what she was doing. He quirked a brow. "'Prince Lionrage?'" He
asked. "I beg your pardon?"
"Shush,"
the mortal replied as her phone rang. Clicking TALK, she held it to her ear.
"Hello? Lorelei?" Recognizing the melodious voice that answered her,
she relaxed further. "How can you call my phone? Do you have a
phone?"
"Ja.
Piece of gnome-work. Goblins have the monopoly on clockworks and mechanics, but
the gnomes seem to have done more thriving in the technological boom. Na gut...
Butchers showed up at the Midnight Fest."
Cold so
bitter it was almost toxic spilled down Dylan's back. Her gaze slashed to
Nuada. She knew he'd heard the river maiden's words. He didn't seem surprised
by them. His pale face was carefully blank.
"We
got out with our lives, barely, but Wink was in bad form for a few days,"
Lorelei said. Dylan winced. Bad form? Wink was huge. It would take... she
didn't know what it would take, to bring down a warrior the size and strength
of Wink. Which meant "bad" was incredibly, nearly fatally bad, then.
She saw Nuada had closed his eyes. "I had to put out the word to a few
of my more subtle contacts to get proper help for him, but he's been as good as
new for some time now." The mortal thought she might have heard a
smile in the rhinemaiden's voice when she added, "Though, for some
reason he seems to want the two of us to stay isolated and lay low for a few
more days. I wonder why."
Nuada
huffed a laugh. "I can certainly imagine several reasons," the prince
said dryly. "Tell her I need him back by the solstice, and no later."
The
mortal raised her eyebrows. "You know, you could talk to her."
She held out the phone. Nuada actually leaned back a little bit, as if afraid
the thing would contaminate him. "What's the matter, Your Highness? Scared
of a wittle bitty phone?" Dylan wiggled it in his general direction. He
offered a mock-snarl. Bared his teeth. She laughed and put the phone back to
her ear. "Nuada says he needs Wink back by the solstice."
"As
he commands, so shall we endeavor to do. Does he know or suspect the Butchers
of attacking Wink?"
"Uh,
yeah. We had a few eyewitnesses give us the head's up. Did they... I don't
know, say anything? Anything at all, to indicate whether...." She trailed
off, wondering how to word this without it possibly coming back to bite her in
the butt. "Whether they'd been sent by anyone? Or come on their own?"
There
was a long silence. Then, "A few of them attempted to take me out, to
prevent me from going to Wink's aid. Some others were attacking those attending
Midnight Fest who had decided to protect the right arm of the mighty
Silverlance. Another Butcher called to those attacking, saying that their
orders had not included hurting civilians."
The
breath left Nuada in a long, slow hiss. Orders. The Butchers had been under
orders. And who did they take their orders from, if not the king? Perhaps if
there had been only one or two of the guards, but more than two dozen? That
sort of treason... there was no hiding it. And no reason for it. The Butcher
Guards were loyal, first and foremost, to King Balor. They took their orders
from the One-Armed King of Elfland and no other authority could surmount those
orders.
Pale
fingers fisted in the blue velvet coverlet on Dylan's bed. He clenched his
teeth. So. So! It was true, then. It was true. Dylan had been right. His
father had tried to have Wink murdered. Gods, but why? After all Wink
had done for the Bethmooran royal family, why? It made no sense! And did this
mean that Balor had been behind the other attacks?
He
swallowed back the grief. Swallowed the bitterness and the pain and the fury
boiling in his blood. When he met Dylan's worried eyes, his expression was a
blank mask and his eyes were empty of emotion. He got up from where he sat at
the edge of the bed and went back to the window to stare out into the darkness.
"Are
you all right?" Dylan asked the rhinemaiden, watching Nuada as he gazed
out at the wintry night. His spine was too straight, his shoulders too firm. He
held himself too carefully for it to be natural. Whatever emotions churned
beneath the surface of that thin veneer of calm, they were hurting him. But she
wanted to be sure that the river faerie had escaped her run-in with the
Butchers without harm. Nuada seemed to care for Lorelei very much. Her being
hurt would have hurt him even more.
"Ja,
I am, actually... My dress was destroyed and I got tossed around pretty hard,
but I heal quite fast. No one will even be able to tell there was ever a mark
on me to begin with. I decided to contact you instead of Nuada because I didn't
trust the possibility of anyone keeping eyes and ears on him - but the Elven
courts are generally out of their element with human electronic technology. And
I got your IM address from a very interesting source."
Dylan
frowned. "Who?"
"A
waitress at a diner called Yvaine's. I believe her name is... Francesca."
The
mortal's mouth fell open. "I... what? You talked to my sister? How?
Why?"
"I
did not. A friend of mine did. He is human, but... unique. They seem to have
taken a liking to each other. When he mentioned that I knew a 'Dylan Myers,'
and needed to get in contact with you, she volunteered that she was your
sister. Davio got the IM address from her, since it was such an innocuous piece
of information."
She
tried to wrap her mind around that. "She doesn't know you're a faerie,
though... right?"
"No,
she does not. As for what she thinks of Davio... I take it your sister reads a
great many comic books?"
Dylan
laughed. It sounded just a wee bit hysterical. "Um... more like trashy
romance novels about snake-shifters and were-ducks and naked gargoyle
hotties." At that, the rhinemaiden chuckled. "Lemme guess. He's weird
looking by human standards, but it only took her all of five seconds to realize
that underneath of that, he was a guy, and therefore worth chasing."
"Something
like that. Has she not told you? It happened a couple weeks ago, their meeting."
"We
don't talk much. We're not a close family. But she's all right? She's not in
any trouble because of this or anything, right?"
After
receiving Lorelei's assurances, the conversation wound down and Dylan and the
rhinemaiden hung up. Laying her phone on the nightstand, Dylan got to her feet
and, moving slowly to give him time to protest, went to stand about a foot away
from Nuada. He didn't look away from the waxing moon, only a couple days shy of
being full. Snow began to drift down from the darkly-clouded night sky. Somehow
the glowing moon managed to beam through the thick clouds. The soft, silver
light usually seemed to caress the prince's face, but now it seemed only to
wash him out, bleaching what color might have been in his cheeks.
Dylan
reached out, holding her breath, uncertain. She could feel the warmth of him
through his wool shirt. Her fingers were a scant breath away from his shoulder
when the prince finally spoke.
"Do
not," Nuada whispered. Her hand froze just shy of touching him.
"What
are you thinking?" She asked. "Won't you tell me?"
He drew
a sharp breath and, in a voice that sounded as if he were swallowing glass,
demanded, "How much more? That is what I am thinking, Dylan. I am thinking
that I do not know how much more you can take. How much more I can take.
I am thinking that I do not know what I will do if all of this becomes too much
and breaks you. There is so much uncertainty. So many shadows gathering 'round
about us, intent on our blood. And now my father... my father...
"I
do not want to go to war, Dylan. I do not want to tear my kingdom apart with
civil war, do not want to waste innocent lives in this conflict. I do not want
to challenge my father for the throne. But if Lorelei is correct... if the
Butchers were at Midnight Fest on my father's order.... For a moment tonight, I
thought I had my father back. I dared to hope the breech could be mended."
The Elven warrior sighed. "I was a fool. I should have learned better than
to trust so easily, after everything I have seen and done in this life."
He looked so cold and distant in the pool of snowy moonlight, she thought. So
alone. "I will have to send my most trusted agents to investigate this
more thoroughly than I can myself. And if proof is found... if we prove he has
done all that we suspect... Dylan, I will have to kill him. I will have no
other choice."
She
laid her hand on his shoulder. He sighed. "We have a few immediate
obstacles to tackle right now," she said, "none of which will usher
in the Apocalypse if we mess them up. So we won't have to deal with political
intrigue before tomorrow. Okay? First... would you mind if...." Dylan had
no idea why she thought to ask him this, but it felt like her next request
would be something that would make him feel better. "Would you mind too
much if you finished brushing my hair?"
Strangely,
the tension slipped out of his body as if it had been washed away by spring
rain. Her stomach twisted when the corner of his mouth quirked. "I would
like that very much, in fact. It would give me something more pleasant to think
about for a while. And then what?"
"Then...."
Her stomach knotted further. She swallowed. "Then... come to bed?" It
came out soft and timid against her will. Nuada finally looked down at her. A
gentle expression spread across his face.
"You
look like a little girl in those clothes, you know."
The
mortal didn't confess that that had sort of been the idea - to make
herself as asexual as possible, to help both of them avoid temptation. And she
knew she looked rather adolescent in her penguin socks, baggy Hello Kitty
pajama pants, long-sleeved black UnderArmor shirt and over-large t-shirt.
"I'd put my hair up in pigtails, but you might be tempted to give them a
good yank," she said dryly, surprising a wry chuckle out of the Elf.
"Come on. I can't go to bed with knots in my hair and you need to
sleep."
"I
am well enough."
She
gently tugged him toward the bed. "You're exhausted and you know it. You
never sleep enough. No arguing," she added. "That's one of my
conditions for marrying you. You have to do everything I say."
Nuada
laughed aloud, surprised he could actually do so. "Oh? Everything you say,
is it?" He was still chuckling when he took up the brush and began working
on the tangles again. "What if you order me to do something
ridiculous?" The soft bristles of the brush made a shushing sound
as they moved through the thick, dark curls. "Am I hopelessly at your
mercy, then?"
Dylan
laughed tiredly. "I hope not, for your sake. I'm a pretty stern
task-mistress. I'll wrap you around my little finger and make you my
slave."
"You
have not done that already?" Nuada let half his thoughts follow the
conversation, trying to enjoy the simple pleasure of Dylan's undemanding talk.
The other half focused on not hurting her as he ran the brush through her hair.
He didn't dare let his mind wander back to thoughts of his father. And he
didn't dare speculate about what would happen once he and Dylan went to bed.
Would she let him hold her? Or was that pushing things too far, especially
after everything that had occurred tonight? "What other orders do you have
for me?"
"Actually...
I do have a few real conditions," she murmured. "They came to me
while I was saying my prayers. If you really want to hear them."
"Tell
me," he commanded softly. "Tell me what you wish, and I will do my
best to make it so."
She
tried not to fidget. "Well... that is, I would like it if... would you...
I'd like it if you would come to church with me." The brush stilled for a
moment. "You don't have to," she hastened to say. "It would just
make me really happy if you came with me. You don't have to do anything else -
no church activities or scripture reading or being baptized or anything like
that. But it would make me so happy if you would just attend church with me.
When you have time." When he said nothing, she added softly,
"Please?"
"It
means that much to you?"
"Yes."
The
Elven warrior sighed. "All right, mo duinne. As you wish, so it shall
be." He was halfway finished with her hair by now. "Is there anything
else? You did say 'conditions.' Plural."
"I've
got a couple that I don't think you'll like." He made an inquiring noise.
"Well, if I marry you, I'm going to be a princess, right?" He nodded.
"So I'll be a noble of the court, right? Well... I was wondering if...
well, John- ow!" Nuada mumbled an apology and endeavored to take more
care. "I want him to have a place in Bethmoora, too. In the court. So I
won't be... lonely. Would it be possible to make him a noble? Or
something?"
Nuada
choked. "What?"
"Could
you make John a noble of Bethmoora? So that he'd have a place here, and he'd be
protected at least a little bit by his title?" Quietly, she added,
"He's my twin. My other half. I miss him. We don't like being apart for
very long. But it's not safe for him here. Even if we got married, it wouldn't
be as safe as it could be. It would be safer if he had a title."
The
prince was silent for a long while. Only after he'd finished with her hair and
set the brush on the bedside table did he answer. "I do not have the power
to elevate your brother to peerage. However," he added, feeling the
sharpness of her disappointment, though she said nothing, "I can speak to
my father about it. What else?"
"I
want my sisters to be at the wedding."
He
closed his eyes and leaned back against one of the bedposts. The royal blue
velvet curtain brushed his cheek. "Your sisters. All of them." He
sighed when she answered in the affirmative. With just a touch of sarcasm, the
Elf asked, "And just how do you suggest we go about introducing your more
mundane kin to the wonderful world of Faerie, my lady?" He felt like a
callow, unkind boy when her expression fell and she looked down at the
blankets.
"You're
right. It was stupid. I don't even know why I-"
"No,"
Nuada said firmly. She looked up, uncertain. "That was unkind of me. I
will think on it, and see if I may come up with a way for your wish to be
granted. There is no law or tradition against it, at any rate." Though he
did not want those harpy-shrews at his wedding. They would only grieve Dylan.
Still, it was what she wanted.
"There's
one other thing." For some reason, Dylan blushed when Nuada raised his
eyebrows. "I mean, I might think of something else later, but it won't be
as important. So... the thing is... I mean... for our wedding night." He
stiffened. Surely she knew he would force her into nothing. He expected nothing
from her. Being wed did not automatically give him the right to have her
whenever he wanted, or even at all. But Nuada only waited as she continued,
"I don't... I don't want to have our wedding night here, in Findias."
His
father would no doubt attempt to fight him on that point, but if that was what
she wanted, he would give it to her. In this, more than anything else, the
Elven warrior was determined to let her have her way. "The cottage,
then?"
Dylan
shook her head. "Actually, I was thinking that maybe... maybe we could
have our wedding night in the sanctuary." Nuada blinked. "I've never
felt safer than when I'm with you. And the sanctuary is... it's a haven. Our
haven. I love it there. It's safe. It's the place we spent the first three
months we knew each other. And I'm really comfortable there. Not to
mention," she added with a shy smile, "I love the bathtub. You could
swim in that thing. So... is that okay? I think... I think it would be easier
for me, too. To have it there. I'd be less likely to... to ruin
everything."
Nuada
frowned at her. "Ruin? What do you mean?"
"Just...
I know that I'll probably... freak. Have a flashback or a panic attack or
something. Probably at the worst possible moment. Probably more than once. I'll
try my best not to, but I don't know if I'll be able to help it. But the
sanctuary is such a peaceful place. Maybe whatever freak-outs I have won't be
as bad. Won't last as long. So then it won't be... I won't be..." She drew
a shuddering breath. "I know I'm not experienced. At all. And you are. And
I know I'm going to be awkward and won't know what I'm doing, and it'll be
annoying for you, and-"
"Annoying?"
He reached out and took her hands in his. They were cold. "Is that what
you are so worried over? My patience wearing thin? Dylan, I expect nothing from
you that you are not willing to give. You should know this by now."
"But
it'll be your wedding night, and I'll do something wrong, or freak out, and
it's supposed to be perfect, that's what people always say, but what if I can't
do it?" Her voice broke. She swallowed hard and ran her hands through her
newly-brushed hair. "It wouldn't be fair to you if you went through with
everything, and you've waited so long and been so patient, and then when it
came down to it, I wasn't... wasn't strong enough or brave enough to let
you-"
"Stop."
Gently spoken, but with a hint of steel beneath the word. He recaptured her
hands. "Stop. Listen to me, Dylan. Truly listen. I expect nothing
from you that you are not willing to give to me. If I am not enough of a man
that I can soothe your fears, gain your trust in that way, and make such a
night everything that it should be for you, then that is not your fault. It
will be mine. My only wish for that night is that it be everything that you
desire.
"I
know what has been done to you. I walked your memories. Do you think I expect
you simply to 'get over it?' I know better. I know I must take care. A wise man
would do well to take care with a treasure such as you, anyway. Bravery or
strength have nothing to do with this. You are strong, Dylan. You lived
through a nightmare. It left you with scars, yes, but I bear soul-wounds of my
own. I would never hold such against you.
"As
for 'letting' me do anything, as you put it... courting or not, betrothed or
not, wed or not, I have no right to demand anything from you. It is my task to
earn the privilege. Every touch, every embrace, every kiss: that is your gift
to me. I do not take such things for granted. I would be deeply honored if you
wed me. I would be thusly honored if you entrusted me with your body as you
have entrusted me with your heart. But that is what it is - an honor, a
privilege, not a right. I make no demands, my lady.
"And
as for your supposed lack of courage... you are strong, and you are brave, and
I love you. I love you." And he gently dried the two tears that had
slipped down her cheeks as he spoke with the edge of his shirtsleeve. "Our
wedding night will take place in the sanctuary. That is your wish, and I will
see it done. Was there aught else you would ask of me?"
Dylan
sniffled. Laughed a little, wiping at the last traces of tears on her cheeks.
"Thank you, Nuada. I don't know why I'm crying. Actually, yeah I do. I'm
tired, and I'm emotional, and no one's ever said anything so... so gallant to
me, ever. You are... amazing." She drew a deep breath. "Okay. I'm
calm. I'm not crying anymore." A yawn popped out. "Wow. Where did
that come from?"
"You
are tired. You have been awake nearly twenty-four hours."
"Yeah.
Jeez. Anyway, there are three more things I want. Nothing crazy. The first one
is, I want as much control over what happens at our wedding as possible. I
mean, I know it's a royal wedding and so there will be a lot of things going
on, but I want as much control as I can have without messing things up. I wanna
know what the plans are and everything. And the second thing is especially
important: I want my dress to be modest, and I want it to be white. Can I do
that?"
"As
you wish, on both counts. And the third thing?"
She
ducked her head. Stared at the coverlet between them. "I, uh... um... it's
not so much a condition as a question. Do Elves do engagement rings?"
"We
do," he murmured. "I would have had one the night I asked for your
hand, but the one I wanted...." Nuada actually looked sheepish for a
moment. "I could not find it. My sister had it sent up to me a few days
past. She'd heard I was looking for the trinket-chest it was in and went
looking for it as a way to make up for Saturday."
Dylan's
eyes widened. "It's not, like... a family heirloom or anything, is it?
Something from the royal treasury? It's not part of the crown jewels,
right?"
"Not
exactly." The prince slid off the bed. "Come with me."
"Wait,
where are we going?" She scootched off the bed to follow him through the
door that joined her bedchamber to his. "Nuada, I'm tired. Can I please
sleep now? It's like, five in the morning. Why can't I sleep now? What are we
doing?"
The
mortal followed the Elven warrior out of his room and into his study. He didn't
go to his desk, but to one of the bookcases behind it. On a clear space on the
shelf rested a box of pale white rosewood, polished so that it gleamed like
well-oiled ivory. The image of a blooming white rose, inlaid with a hard,
opalescent material, graced the lid. The latch was of shining white gold. Nuada
reverently lifted the box and set it on his desk with utmost care.
"This
was my mother's," he murmured. Dylan's heart thumped hard against her
ribs. "She had two made - one for my sister and one for me. The contents
of my sister's box would be for her. The contents of this one," the prince
added, meeting his truelove's eyes, "my mother intended for the woman I
would one day marry."
Pale
fingers lovingly traced the iridescent inlay on the lid. "This came from
Cíocal. White Fomorian rosewood and abelone shell from the coast, where my
mother grew up." He lifted the latch and raised the lid. Reached in and
withdrew something that gleamed in the dim lamplight. Very gently he shut the
jewelry box once more. "My father had this ring made for my mother, for
when he intended to ask for her hand. He thought she would be impressed that it
had been made by a great Iaran jeweler, Lady Ruto of Zora."
"Was
she? Impressed, I mean."
Nuada
smiled. "She was more impressed with the six moons of labor my father had
to perform in order to win the ring's forging in the first place. Winning three
Iaran sapphires from a quetzalcoatl dragon is no easy feat, even for an Elven
king. She told him that if he had simply showered her with treasures and
jewels, she would have likely refused him. The quetzalcoatl, however, had
judged my father's intentions to be honorable and sincere, and so my mother
accepted."
Firegold
eyes lifted from the ring he held in his lightly-clenched fist to Dylan's face.
"Come here." He held out his hand, palm-up. "Come to me, mo
duinne."
Dylan
moved around the large blackwood desk to where Nuada stood behind it. He
grasped her right hand and brushed his thumb across the gold-and-ruby ring,
carved with flowering rose vines, that glinted on her finger.
"When
I gave you this ring... as I slipped it onto your finger, I thought... even
then, I wanted so badly to ask for your hand. It was such a temptation. I do
not know how I managed to resist it. It almost seemed as if my good intentions
in giving you this ring served only to mock me. I had made it for you so that
we might be together, yet I was denied the union I truly wanted. The union I still
want.
"You
are certain you wish this, Dylan? I will fight the king on this for you, if you
wish it. Only a selfish coward would demand you give up so much. I can stand by
my refusal. I doubt my father will attempt to kill me for this, and whatever
other harm he might seek to inflict upon me is of little enough consequence to
me that I-"
She
touched a finger to his lips, and he fell silent.
"I've
made my decision," she said softly. "My loyalty isn't challenged. My
love isn't divided. My oaths aren't broken. I've fulfilled the conditions you
set by laying my own." She smiled. "So just shut up and ask me one
more time, Prince Emo-Bear."
"Those
are mutually exclusive options, my lady. I cannot 'shut up,' as you say, and
ask you a question. And I am not an emo-bear," he added with
tremendous dignity. Dylan laughed. She would never be able to hear the
legendary Elven warrior use the phrase "emo-bear" without laughing.
There was just no way.
Honey-amber
eyes caressed her face. Her laughter faded. Then the crown prince of Bethmoora
knelt before a mortal woman and gently grasped her hands.
"I
asked you for this, one of the greatest blessings you could ever bestow upon
me, once before. Asked you, and my heart was broken," Nuada whispered.
"I dare to ask once more, with this promise: I will never give up on you,
Dylan. On us. No matter what stands in our way. No matter what stands between
us. I will do all in my power to protect you. To love you as you deserve. To be
whatever you need me to be. To be a good husband and," unsure why he felt
he should say this, unsure what madness had possessed him, but knowing somehow
that it needed to be said, "and if the Fates somehow deem it possible, a
good father to any children we might be blessed with. I promise you all of
this. And so I ask you, Dylan... my Dylan, my lady and my love... will you
marry me?"
She
closed her eyes. He couldn't read her expression. For a moment of
heart-stopping dread, despite everything, he thought she would refuse him. But
then... oh, but then... she smiled. Such a smile. Radiant. She had never
smiled quite like that before, not even for him. Nuada knew that no matter what
happened, he would carry the memory of that smile for the rest of his long
life. A gaze of soft, misty blue met his.
"Yes."
Nuada
drew a deep breath. Despite the shadows lingering at the fringes of his
thoughts, despite the exhaustion that plagued him, a golden warmth was
beginning to bloom in his chest. It seemed to blanket every dark thing in him.
Not so that those dark things were gone, no, but so that for just a moment,
they didn't matter.
She had
said, "Yes."
Without
looking away from those dreamy blue eyes, he slipped his mother's ring on the
heart-finger of Dylan's left hand. The three Iaran sapphires glittered side by
side against the intricately woven triple-band of white gold. A tear slipped
down Dylan's cheek, glittering like a diamond in the lamplight. She laughed
softly and wiped the tear away with the back of her wrist.
And
then Nuada was on his feet, his hands cradling that beloved face. A moment of
hesitation, the uncertainty flickering in his eyes, and then he kissed her.
Gently. Slowly. Sweetly. A careful brush of his lips across hers like a touch
of gossamer wings. There was none of the hot need from the garden. Not even a
whisper of compulsion spell. Only a kiss so tender and soft it made Dylan's
heart pound and turned Nuada's blood to molten gold. He sighed against her
mouth. Allowed himself to simply revel in the joy burgeoning within him. She'd
said, "Yes."
Then,
despite his tiredness, he hoisted Dylan up and spun her around, careful of the
desk. She squeaked in surprise. Laughed. "Yes, I will marry you! Yes! Yes!"
He set her on her feet, still laughing. He wanted to laugh, too, but he
sufficed himself with grinning, leaning in, and kissing the tip of her crooked
nose. Dylan grinned. "I will absolutely marry you, my prince. On one more
condition."
He
arched a brow. "Changing the bargain, mo duinne? Bad form."
"It's
a simple condition. You won't have a problem with it. I will marry you on the
condition that we go to bed. I'm tired! And you need to sleep."
Nuada
was not certain he could sleep. Not now. Not after this. In fact, he
rather thought he would like breakfast. Dawn was scarcely two hours away. And
surely....
His
thoughts trailed away when Dylan yawned and rubbed her eyes with her fists. She
looked positively... adorable. The word slipped into his mind and would not be
denied. His lady looked simply adorable, rubbing her eyes like a sleepy child.
She pushed her hair out of her face. Yawned again. Dropped her head against his
chest. "Sleepy, Nuada," his truelove mumbled. "So sleepy. Bed,
good. Staying awake, bad."
A smile
curved his mouth. "I suppose you want me to carry you while I am at
it?"
Her
arms twined around his neck. "Yes, please." So he carried his
betrothed back to her bed, enjoying the innocent warmth of her curled against
his chest. Only as he tucked her into bed did he remember the king's second
order.
"Dylan-"
"S'okay,"
she mumbled, cuddling her face into her pillow. One hand lay against the smooth
linen of the pillowcase. The sapphire ring gleamed like a promise. "Jus'
get in. An' don' hog the blankets."
The
velvet blankets and silk sheets carried faint traces of her perfume and the
scent of mortality. So did the pillows. Nuada closed his eyes for a moment to
bask in those scents. The scents that were Dylan's alone. Then he opened his
eyes to find her blinking sleepily at him from across the bed. A good four feet
separated them. Dylan's bed was quite large. And quite comfortable. More
comfortable than his, actually, the prince realized. There was none of the
restlessness he felt when sleeping in his own bed. Only a welcoming warmth and
softness that reminded him of Dylan herself.
"If
you snore," she said, fighting another yawn, "an' you wake me up, I
get to kick you. Okay?"
He
chuckled. "As you say. And if you snore?"
She
picked her head up off the pillow and gave him a flat look. "I don't
snore. I'm a girl."
"Mmm.
I see."
Despite
herself, she grinned. "Oh, you be quiet. Go to sleep."
"And
if I do not?"
"I'll
take my socks off," she mumbled. "And my feet will get really, really
cold. And then I will put them somewhere you won't like. So there."
The
legendary Elven warrior winced inwardly at the thought of anyone's ice-cold
feet - even Dylan's - anywhere near "somewhere he wouldn't like."
Aloud, however, all he said was, "It is against Bethmooran law to lay
hands - or feet - on the royal person."
"Guess
what? I'm your fiancée. That makes me a princess. Or almost. So that rule doesn't
apply." She stuck her tongue out at him.
He hid
his smile. "Oh, is that how it works? I will have to keep that in mind,
Princess."
Muffling
her laughter, she grabbed a pillow and smacked him in the chest with it. He
snatched it out of her hands and tucked it behind his head. "Hey!"
She cried, propping herself up on an elbow. "No fair! Give that
back!"
"Come
and take it."
Dylan
held out an imperious hand. "Gimme. By order of the future princess."
"Denied,"
he replied with a smirk. "By order of the current crown prince."
"You
know, I'm going to get revenge for this."
"Indeed?"
She
settled back against the pillows and nodded sleepily. "Yep. I don't know
what it will be, exactly, but it will involve small furry children and calling
you my love muffin in public. And snowballs."
Nuada
grinned in the dimness. "Yes, we saw how well that worked for you last
time you challenged me in such a way."
"This
time I'll win, though," Dylan replied. He made an inquiring noise.
"I'll get help from Lord Bear. Who better to kick your butt at a snowball
fight than a giant shapeshifting polar bear? Now go to sleep. Don't make me
come over there."
"Darling,
I fail to see how that particular threat would induce me to obey your orders.
Come over here if you wish. I'll not stop you."
She
slanted him a look. "I'll just bet."
"What
is an Evil Twin goatee?"
Dylan
choked on her tongue. After managing to smother her giggles, she croaked,
"What's a what?"
"What
is an Evil Twin goatee?" The Elf prince repeated. "You mentioned it
earlier. And who is Spock? And what is spandex?"
The
mortal gave up trying to stop giggling. She blamed it on exhaustion. However,
she managed to calm down enough to say, "I adore you to distraction. I
really do. But that conversation is
going to have to wait for another day, because I need to sleep. And since you
won't shut up and let me sleep, I've gotta put you to work. Sing to me, Nuada.
Please? Something beautiful. Or at least something to help me sleep."
Nuada reached out and brushed back a lock of her hair
from her face. "Close your eyes, then, mo mhuire, and I will sing to you.
Close your eyes, my love."
"Bhí sé go leor
cosán cam
Go bhfuil mé anseo dar críoch -
Tuirseach, ceirteacha briste agus caitheamh,
Fiáin leathshúile le heagla.
"Níl i bhfad níos mó
leis an fear seo fánaíocht
Ná mar is féidir an tsúil a fheiceáil.
Is féidir leat a fheiceáil dom trí shúile éagsúla.
Déan phrionsa de dom.
"Doras go doras lena
mo croí,
Bain triail as a shealbhú as an fuar;
I an t-achar a cart giofógach,
Líonadh le gadaithe agus bheatha.
"Níl i bhfad níos mó
leis an fear seo fánaíocht
Ná mar is féidir an tsúil a fheiceáil.
Is féidir leat a fheiceáil dom trí shúile éagsúla.
Déan phrionsa de dom.
"Can do suipéar agus
do chanadh phingin;
Tá amhrán ar fad caithfidh mé a thabhairt,
Le fidil agus nach bhfuil aon chuid eile,
Amhránaíocht ach amháin i do chónaí.
"Níl i bhfad níos mó
leis an fear seo fánaíocht
Ná mar is féidir an tsúil a fheiceáil.
Is féidir leat a fheiceáil dom trí shúile éagsúla.
Déan phrionsa de dom.
"Tríd an fhuinneog
luisne órga;
Teaghlaigh a bhailiú bhabhta.
Anseo lasmuigh tosaíonn sé le sneachta,
Tosta an fhuaim amháin.
"Níl i bhfad níos mó
leis an fear seo fánaíocht
Ná mar is féidir an tsúil a fheiceáil.
Is féidir leat a fheiceáil dom trí shúile éagsúla.
Déan phrionsa de dom.
"Is féidir le gach a
fheiceáil dom trí shúile éagsúla;
A dhéanamh de mo phrionsa."
He allowed the last note to trail away, smiling to
himself, watching the even rise and fall of Dylan's chest. She was asleep. If
the Fates were kind, she would not dream tonight. He prayed it was so. After
everything that had happened - the darkness in the garden, the brutality of her
flashbacks, the trial of his father's questioning - he knew her memories waited
in the wings, teeth bared and claws unsheathed, biding their time until they
could attack. Nuada could only hope that what light and warmth he'd provided
her would keep the nightmares at bay.
His smile slipped away as a thought, cold and cruel
and bitter, oozed into his mind. That thought shattered the joy that had seemed
to glow in Nuada's chest since Dylan had agreed to wed him. Shattered the hope
that things might turn out all right, if only he was vigilant enough.
If their suspicions about Balor were correct... if the
old king was responsible for all that they suspected... Nuada would have to
challenge him for the throne, as Balor would no longer be worthy of the crown.
Nuada would have to challenge him. Fight him, either in war or in single
combat. His father would die. Nuada would become the new king.
And there would be no king's order ensuring he and
Dylan married. No sovereign influence forcing her to acquiesce. Their
engagement, so very new, would be broken. With the threat of civil war in
Bethmoora, he would have to send her back to the mortal realm. Bar her from
returning to Faerie until such a war had ended. If Nuada were defeated and his
father victorious, no doubt the king would execute him - if the crown prince
hadn't been killed already in combat. And if Balor were defeated, and the
prince made king... he would never see Dylan again.
The pain that struck him then held all the strength of
the chains of duty and honor that bound him to such a fate. It drove the breath
from his lungs. Drove the strength from his limbs. He clenched his teeth and
simply strained to remember how to breathe past the crushing weight that
suddenly seemed to engulf him.
If the king was truly his enemy, his honor and his
duty would shatter his heart and rob him of nearly everyone he held dear. His
father, who would have to die for such a transgression. The law was clear. His
twin, who would never understand the merciless weight of honor. And Dylan.
Never to see Dylan again... never to hear her laughter, see her face, never to
hold her again....
Without conscious thought, he moved to where his
truelove lay slumbering on her side. Fitted himself against her back. When he
curved his arm around her waist and pressed his face against the back of her
shoulder, she stirred.
"Wassa matter?"
He opened his mouth to say nothing. Closed it
again. Sighed. The cotton t-shirt she wore smelled of lavendar, chamomile, and
vanilla. It was incredibly soft against his forehead. Her hair was soft against
his cheek, and scented with the delicate fragrance of lilacs. Nuada breathed
deep of those scents before replying, "Nearly everything. May I hold
you?"
Dylan yawned before mumbling, "Can't. M'sorry.
Not s'posed to."
Honor forced him to release her, though he did not
wish to do so. Though he ached to have her close to him. Instead, he moved back
to his side of the bed. "Forgive me. I meant no disrespect."
She turned to him, rubbing one eye with a loose fist.
"S'okay. You didn' know." She stifled a yawn. "Don' worry,
Nuada. It'll be okay." She reached across the distance between them. Laid
her hand, palm up, on the velvet coverlet. "Don' worry. Just sleep.
S'okay."
Nuada laid his hand atop hers. She curled her fingers
around his hand, clasping it gently, and sighed before sinking back into sleep.
The warmth of her seeped into him from their clasped
hands, pushing back the sudden chill that had taken him
when he'd realized he might never see her again. Her scent soothed him. The
sound and steady rhythm of her breathing lulled him. Slowly, he relaxed again.
By the time dawn broke, the legendary Elven warrior prince had fallen asleep
holding hands with a mortal commoner. Only with her did he finally find a
moment's peace.
